CUSTOMER SERVICE: Can you install Love in your machine?
CUSTOMER: I think I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install now. What do I do first?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: The first step is to ‘power up’ and open your heart. Have you located your heart?
CUSTOMER: Yes, I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it OK to install love while they are running?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: What programs are running?
CUSTOMER: Let me see…I have Pasthurt.exe, Lowesteem.exe, Grudge.exe, Gossip.com and Resentment.com running right now.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: No problem. Love will automatically erase Pasthurt.exe from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually overwrite Lowesteem.exe with a module of its own, called Highesteem.exe. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge.exe, Gossip.com and Resentment.com. Those programs prevent love from being properly installed. Can you turn off those programs?
CUSTOMER: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: My pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness.exe. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge.exe, Gossip.com and Resentment.com have been completely erased.
After a few minutes…
CUSTOMER: OK, I’ve done that. Love has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your heart. Do you see that message?
CUSTOMER: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Yes, but remember that you only have the base program. You need to begin connecting to other hearts to get the upgrades.
CUSTOMER: It says ‘Error 412 – Program not run on internal components.’ What does that mean?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Don’t worry. That’s a common problem. It means that the Love program is set up to run on external hearts, but has not yet been running long enough on YOUR heart. It’s one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms, it means that YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOUR OWN MACHINE BEFORE IT CAN LOVE OTHERS.
CUSTOMER: So, what should I do?
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Can you find the directory called ‘Self-acceptance?’
CUSTOMER: Yes, I have it.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Excellent! You are getting good at this.
CUSTOMER: Thank you!
CUSTOMER SERVICE: You’re welcome. Now click on the following files and then copy them to MyHeartDirectory: Forgiveself.doc.Selfesteem.txt, Realiseworth.txt and Goodness.doc. The system will overwrite conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Selfcriticize.exe from all directories and empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
CUSTOMER: I’ve got it! Right now my heart is filling up with really neat files: like Smile.mpg, which is playing on my monitor. And my monitor also shows Warmth.com, Peace.exe and Contentment.com copying themselves all over my heart!
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Then Love is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. Oh, and one more thing before I go…
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Love is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with other people, and also return some really neat modules back to you.
CUSTOMER: I certainly will share Love.com with other people. Thank you so much for your help!
CUSTOMER SERVICE: You’re welcome.
NOTE: Your brain and body is your bio-computer, and only YOU own the keyboard!