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Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

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coaching

Meta Programs – Discounting and Counting

December 4, 2013 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

making a list
Photo by Cathryn Lavery on Unsplash

Meta Programs are processes that operate at a metal level, which influence other lower mental levels (meta meaning ‘above’). They help you understand how you (and others) make sense of the world, and how you shape your values, beliefs and behaviours. The term meta-programs comes from the world of NLP and is widely used in self-development, coaching and counselling.

Translated into everyday language meta-programs would be ‘thinking habits’. Depending on whom you asked there are almost 100 different meta-programs that have been identified so far (according to L. Michael Hall).

Does this count? Or not?

This meta program is called Discounting versus Counting and looks at how you habitually look at what you have achieved. If you simply think about how you look back at today’s actions, are you noticing and counting the things you have done or rather discounting them by saying something like “ah, that’s nothing” or “that’s normal, everyone has to do this”.

The famous “To Do list”…

Many of you reading this use something to remind you to get things done. It’s usually in list form and states all the errands and things that still have to get done. This list might get updated with more things to do but those items that have been delivered or finished usually disappear without much celebration. You might, for a short moment, be relieved of having done something but then the focus is on “ok, what’s next?”

Have you done enough?

If you suffer from overwhelm, truth is that you are probably sorting much more for the things that you haven’t done and discounting the things that you have. As a ‘human doing’ we have learnt from an early age that we are only ever as good as what we have done. This is a belief worth reconsidering and updating if you still fully stand behind it.

Starting to count

How about a new list called “Things I have achieved list”? This would be the first subtle change toward counting. You might wonder “but what’s the point of that?” which is just another discounting statement. The fact is once we start to really appreciate who we are, what we have and are doing as opposed to beating us up for who we are not, what is left to be done or didn’t have time, we will notice a letting-go, a relaxation and a shift to self-appreciation.

Filed Under: coaching, self development/motivation Tagged With: coaching, counting, discounting, meta program, meta programs, nlp

The Difference Between Counselling and Coaching

August 4, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

conversation between two people
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Many people ask me this question – so I’ve written an article/blog post about it. Please feel free to leave your comments!

Nowadays most people take the advantage of supporting themselves with the help of a counsellor, coach or therapist through the challenges life throws at them at some stage. For people new to the field of self-development the question ‘What is the difference between a counsellor and coach?’ comes up often. Let’s find some distinctions that might be helpful to you.

What is Counselling

Counselling is the modality to heal yourself, find closure for things that happened in your past, come to see things from a healthier perspective, learn to let go of grudges and resentment and build up ego strength. Counselling often works as a ‘talking therapy’ as research has found that expressing emotions helps to digest them. A counsellor acts as a professional friend with whom you can confide your innermost thoughts. They will listen attentively and hold no judgment over your opinions or ideas. Most counsellors will refrain from giving you advice but help you find your own way, clarify the issues, bring understanding and wider perspective and support you in making your own wise decisions. Counselling mostly focuses on clearing past issues.

What is Coaching

Coaching is the modality to go forward, to plan for the future you want to create, bring an action to goal setting and eliminate any obstacles that might be in the way to reaching your goals. Coaching involves a full commitment to making the changes that will bring you closer to your desired outcome. A coach will also listen attentively and ask you powerful questions. Coaching is for people that have enough ego strength to take action. Coaching is mostly focused on creating a desired future outcome and is only involving past issues if they are important for the future outcome.

What style of sessions do I need?

Ask yourself the following questions to find out whether you want to look for a counsellor or for a coach:

Are you…

1…. dealing with issues at work, including relationship issues with your boss and co-worker?

2…. wanting to change jobs and don’t know what to do next?

3…. looking for a new partner?

4…. searching for your passion in life and how to incorporate it into your life?

5…. unsure how to be a better communicator in work and private relationships?

6…. looking for the next step in your career and how to get there?

7…. planning to start working again after having been a ‘stay-at-home’ mum?

If you have answered yes to one or many of questions 1 – 7, you are most likely looking for a coach.

Are you…

8…. getting over a separation or marriage break-down?

9…. still very angry or frustrated with your parents and want to get over those feeling to create better relationships with them?

10…. dealing with fear and anxiety that you think might stem from past trauma?

11…. working through grief due to the loss of someone close, like your parent, partner or child?

12…. dealing with reoccurring relationship difficulties in your life?

13…. having a hard time with your teenage daughter or son?

14…. not sure whether you want to stay in a relationship or leave?

If you have answered yes to one or many of the questions 8 – 14 you are most likely looking for a counsellor.

Remember that whether you are seeing a counsellor or coach you need at least 2-3 sessions to get a sense of how they are working and to find out whether you feel comfortable with them and their approach.

Filed Under: coaching, counselling, self development/motivation Tagged With: coaching, counselling

Motivation for Achievement

January 9, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich 1 Comment

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

What makes the difference between those people who are very inspired to achieve something and those who are not so determined? Those who do almost everything to excel and succeed by putting in a lot of effort and those who don’t work as hard and for whom it is not that important?

The difference lies in the motivation for achievement.

It can be defined as

  • Having a strong desire to accomplish something
  • Striving for a standard of excellence
  • Expending effort in order to excel
  • Having an appetite to accomplish a difficult result
  • Being driven to outperform others

According to research by David McClelland it has been found that people with a high motivation for achievement work harder, are more future oriented, more innovative, more persistent and they desire success much more than they fear failure. An interesting point is also that they attribute success to internal factors (like optimists do) as opposed to external factors (as do pessimists). In terms of choosing their challenge they have the ability to distinguish a suitable task as being challenging but not impossible. This means that they choose their task wisely and therefore experience the satisfaction of reaching their goals. People with a low motivation for achievement interestingly either choose tasks that are too challenging, in which they are more prone to fail, or tasks that are too easy, in which there is not enough stimulation.

Can you train Motivation for Achievement?

Experiments have shown that humans indeed can learn to become more achievement motivated. You can even learn and teach it to yourself.

As with any behavioral change it is a process over time. Firstly, practice choosing tasks or set goals that are at a suitable level: challenging and yet achievable. Secondly you put more focus on and celebrate your successes rather than being focused on and frustrated about your failures. Thirdly you need to practice being persistent.

Which one of the three steps mentioned here do you want to focus on and in which way is it achievable and still challenging for you?

Like the Japanese proverb says: ‘Fall down seven times, get up eight.’

Filed Under: self development/motivation Tagged With: achievement, coaching, motivating yourself, motivation, self development, self-motivation

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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