communication

The Secret Is In the Word – Choose Them Wisely

June 23, 2014 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Quoteonbackground — Choose your audience
Choose your words

As adults, we create meaning by the words we put onto experiences. “This was the worst day of my life” or “at least you have other children” are just examples of what we either say to ourselves, to others, either out loud or in our thoughts. The more we think something, the more we believe it, the more it affects us emotionally, the more it creates our emotional, physical and mental state.

Listen to yourself

Once you start to listen to yourself and become sensitized to the verbal flow, you start to wonder whether what you hear is actually what you want to listen to. “This won’t get any better” and “I’m such a loser” often go unnoticed as part of our mind chatter.

Listen to others

When however we hear others speak to us in less than favorable terms, we notice it often more quickly and feel it stronger. Derogatory statement hurt. Comments delivered without grace even though they are meant well, leave their painful scar. When others continuously speak to us in a way that leaves us feeling unsatisfied, we question or leave the relationship.[Tweet “If you decide to change, you only need to negotiate with yourself”] [Read more…] about The Secret Is In the Word – Choose Them Wisely

Relationship Wisdom – Being a Literal or Inferential Person

July 12, 2013 By Nathalie Himmelrich 2 Comments

Sometimes it is just that knowing something additional, even if it is a seemingly little thing, can alter a relationship pattern that makes a big difference. The following article will hopefully provide you with one of those meaningful pieces of wisdom in terms of how different people perceive the world.

Literal and inferential

This is a differentiation that is not as well-known as the more common ones, for example introvert and extrovert or thinking and feeling types of people. A literal person will interpret a statement literally. This means that if they have a visitor saying ‘I’m thirsty’ this, to the literal person, is simply a statement about thirst. The inferential person will infer meaning into the statement and make an assumption about the meaning behind what is said. In the example above, they most probably will offer their visitor something to drink.

If you are an inferential person, you might think ‘but this is common sense’ and some things are. Even the literal person may have become habituated to understand and infer ‘common sense’ through education or training. It is however not their natural way of thinking.

My sister comes for dinner but does not help even though I’m on crutches! [Read more…] about Relationship Wisdom – Being a Literal or Inferential Person

Relationship Wisdom – Skillfully Disagreeing With Your Partner

March 27, 2012 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Let’s face it: disagreements are a natural component of every relationship. If you are one of those people saying: ‘I just don’t want to argue’ you have to get real. You can work on your style of how you handle disagreement or arguments but rarely (never) will you live in an intimate relationship without any of it.

Conversations — How well are you at disagreeing with your partner?

Differences are the norm

You might have entered into your relationship looking for someone who is similar to you. Even though you might have a lot of overlap of values, beliefs and life views there are also the differences, which, if you were able to filter them out in the beginning they will become more obvious once the relationship has progressed past it’s initial honeymoon stage. Don’t fool yourself – they have been there all along, you just skillfully, with the help of your hormones, managed to avoid them.

How to deal with them? [Read more…] about Relationship Wisdom – Skillfully Disagreeing With Your Partner

How Relationships Are Affected When Communication is Poor

June 4, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

‘The quality of your communication is directly proportional to the quality of your relationship.’ This sentence says it: when your communication is poor, so is your relationship. All of you who read this article will have experienced or are currently experiencing a relationship affected by poor communication. This article will look at how specifically it can affect the relationship.

Starting with the first affects it has on you personally I will then move to the later affects and also the implication is can have on family and the wider community.

Low satisfaction [Read more…] about How Relationships Are Affected When Communication is Poor

10 Key Principles About Relationships

March 23, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

# 1: The only difference between a love relationship and a friendship is intimacy. Ask yourself: With my current partner am I living in a friendship or a love relationship?

# 2: Personal evolution: Relationship is the fastest way to personally evolve. Your partner has VIP access to your hot buttons. Once you are past the honeymoon period you will be pushing each other’s buttons, whether you like it or not, for the purpose of growth and expansion of who you are.

# 3: Knowing one another: The basis of a sound relationship is to know another. It is not about what you know from the past, it is about what you discover freshly every day. Are you referencing your partner through past experience or through what is showing up in the present?

# 4: Affection: [Read more…] about 10 Key Principles About Relationships

How to Manage the ‘Wanting-to-fix-my-Partner’ Pattern

April 21, 2009 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

After the glow of the honeymoon period in a relationship wears off and we regain the full awareness of our reality by taking off the rose colored glasses, we slowly become aware of the small and not-so-small imperfections in our partner.

Depending on our need for perfection we slowly but surely start to work on repairing our partner.

Usually it is one partner that more feels the urge to suggest improvements and these might range from an updated wardrobe, removing excess hair, squeezing pimples to picking on the shirt that is tucked in too tightly. Besides the personal improvements there might also be suggestions on books to read, encouragement on courses to join, engaging with a specific set of friends, or softly controlling your partner’s choice on the amount of time spent alone or with other friends.