connection

couples hugging — Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash

The following article is a collection of observation that I’ve collected in my counselling practice working with clients. These findings are not based on scientific research but show practical experiences of relationships that worked better as an effect of one or multiple of these tips.

Tip #1: Show gratitude

Sounds simple but ask yourself: How often do you show or express gratitude for the things your partner does, says or simply is? The little mundane things that you do for each other on a daily basis mean a lot more if the other affirms them.

Tip #2: Share daily

Couples that make it a practice to have a daily sharing time, where they stop all other activities and simply talk to each other, show longevity in their relationship.

Tip #3: Respect

The person we seemingly love the most sometimes does not get the same percentage of respect they deserve. Why do you think that is? Because they also push the most sensitive buttons. Practice respecting the person, without necessarily having to like all their behaviours.

Tip #4: Positive interactions need to outweigh negative

According to relationship expert John Gottman, couples that thrive have a ratio of five positive interactions to one negative. Even when in relationship difficulty I see couples, which have more positive interaction than negative, are more likely to get through a rough patch.

Tip #5: Attention

When couples have been in relationships for a while their attention for one another seems to become less focused. We take our partner for granted, don’t we? How about giving them undivided attention in the little things we do, like kissing the other good-bye, when leaving for the day.

Tip #6: Connect

Spend some time each day connecting with each. This might be achieved by sitting with each other and simply looking at each other, holding hands or, following a tantric exercise to place the palm of your hand onto the heart area of your partner while looking into each other’s eyes and synchronizing your breathing. Watch what happens as you try it.

Tip #7: Laugh together

Humor is such a good remedy and connector. Share a funny video with each other or tickle your partner.

Tip #8: Recognizing repair attempts

After a challenging incident with your partner there is usually one or the other offering a hand, a smile or something to re-connect. Ask yourself: Is there one of us who is more often saying sorry? How about changing this pattern? You might surprise yourself and your partner.

Tip #9: Do something unexpected

Once in a while do something ‘out of the blue’. Relationships can become stale if we follow in a rut. Write a love note to your partner and leave it in his briefcase or on the mirror in the bathroom for him or her to find later. Wash the dishes, if it is usually your partner’s chore or bring the rubbish out without being asked. Little things make the difference.

Tip #10: Be willing to grow

Relationships are your jet plane to enlightenment, as I keep saying to my clients. If you expect things to run smoothly all the time, I’ll promise you’ll be struggling. Why not instead be willing to learn and grow from challenges and open up to the possibility for change?

couple in sunset — Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Communication is the basis of every human interaction, whether it is verbal or non-verbal. Connection can only occur once communication in one form or another occurs. Human beings are made to connect and communicate. Imagine if for one day you were not able to communicate with any human being – how would that feel?

Connect

Once you connect through communication your personal input will determine the quality and the depth of connection you form. Connection happens on many levels, from a mental, emotional or physical to an energetic or even spiritual level. A connection can last between moments and a lifetime.

Create

Communication is here to create a connection with others. It allows you to get to know someone new, to make new acquaintances or friends and to create new sources of experiences in your life. Be mindful of what you create with your communication, especially as it consists of body language, which is 55% of the whole communication, tone of voice, 38%, and the words, which astonishingly transmit only 7% of the whole communication.

Converse

To converse from Latin means ‘to turn around’, to engage in conversation, the informal exchange of ideas by spoken words. Every conversation consists of a speaker and a listener. More often than not while communicating we focus on our turn speaking and forget to truly listen. Active listening is a skill that can be trained and if you truly want to have quality interactions you need to become an excellent listener.

Cooperate and Compromise

As important as the content of communication is the ability of the people involved to cooperate and compromise. As mentioned in the paragraph above allowing others to speak is the foundation of any conversation. If you find this challenging, learn and practice the art of active listening. The next step is to accept differences in opinions and perspectives, which does not necessarily mean to agree with them.

Clarify

Ask for clarification! Words are only labels and descriptors for things, experiences and meanings but they are not the things themselves. Remember to question your assumptions before continuing the conversation.

Come together

Every communication is a coming together of souls. Treat it as a sacred opportunity to learn something new, even if it is about someone or something you think you already know.

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Nathalie Himmelrich