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Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

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couples satisfaction

10 Ways to Develop Intimacy in Your Relationship

May 12, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

couple
Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Intimacy is part of every close relationship; this can be between lovers, husband and wife, friends, sisters and/or brothers or other parts of the family. Intimacy itself means a ‘close familiarity, closeness or togetherness’ in general and ‘intercourse, lovemaking’ in sexual relations. In the following article, we will look at ways to develop intimacy specifically between a couple in a relationship; however, they might also apply to other relationships mentioned.

1. Make room

In order to be able to allow intimacy, we need to be in the right environment. This depends on the kind of intimacy we are looking for and on the personality of the people involved. Mostly we need some private space where we can be undisturbed.

2. Reserve some time

Intimacy is also related to time in the sense that it develops with time. As with creating the space, we need to allow time for it to flourish.

3. Be present

Let your thoughts of the day drift away and be present in this moment and space. Specifically, draw your full attention to your partner.

4. Focus your attention

In tantric exercises, couples are asked to look into each other’s eyes and start to breathe together. This encourages presence and attention to be focused on each other which allows intimacy.

5. Speak from the heart

Complete the following sentences: ‘What I appreciate about you is…’ and ‘What I love about you is…’ while you look into your partner’s eyes.

6. Listen – inside and outside

Often people have unconscious fears about intimacy and being seen. Listen to what is happening inside of you (your internal thoughts) and to what your partner is saying.

7. Allow vulnerability

Intimacy also brings up vulnerabilities about who we are at the core. This is where you can develop yourself and your intimacy by allowing any related feelings and truly stay open.

8. Practice acceptance and welcoming

Just as you are opening up your ‘innermost’ self to your partner so will they. Developing more intimacy goes hand in hand with the feeling of acceptance and welcoming that we receive from our partner.

9. Share your fears

Opening up about your fears and failures can develop intimacy if it is mutual.

10. Make it a habit

Continue and repeat steps 1 to 9 and make it a habit. Intimacy does not just happen by accident; it is a result of two people being committed to making their relationship deep and meaningful.

Intimacy has also been transformed into ‘in-to-me-I-see’. To me, this means that in an intimate relationship what we ultimately become aware of and develop is what we see in ourselves.

Filed Under: communication, listicle, love/relationship/marriage Tagged With: couples satisfaction, developing in relationship, intimacy, relationship intimacy

10 More Key Principles About Relationships

May 6, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

couple hugging
Photo by Pakistani Stylish Boys on Unsplash

For more key principles about a relationship please look at my previous article called: ‘10 Key Principles About Relationships‘.

# 1: Finding your voice: It’s important to remember that the self is continually reinvented through our interactions with others. Every relationship is a laboratory in which we can practice using our voice in new ways and observe the results of our experiments.

# 2: Communication Skills: Words transmit only 7% of the communication. 38% is delivered with our tone of voice and 56% by our body language. Remember that rolling your eyes at a statement of your partner conveys more harm to the communication than saying: ‘I don’t agree with what you are saying.’

# 3: Understanding: Remember that the goal of your conversation with your partner isn’t necessary to seek agreement, but to communicate understanding.

# 4: Self-esteem: YOUR self-esteem is unconditional, it is your birthright as a human being, it does not need to be earned – it is a given. Your partner is not able to take it from you, nor are they responsible to give you YOUR self-esteem, that is for you to realise and experience.

# 5: Accept Change: Relationships will inevitably change over time. Face up to the reality of who you truly are and who your partner is, accept and welcome change and grow with it.

# 6: Look after yourself: When two people in a relationship each look after themselves, then both are being looked after. That does not mean that you become egoistically focused on yourself but that you take responsibility for your own well-being and happiness and do not expect your partner to be responsible to make you happy.

# 7: Give in, let go, move on: Although it may not be easy, try letting go of the idea that you need to win arguments with your partner in order to prove an upper moral hand. Consider whether it might be better to simply forfeit fights from time to time.

# 8: Laugh about yourself: Remember to not take yourself too seriously in the relationship. Laughing about yourself and your patterns of reactions sometimes makes it easier to relate. And it allows your partner to join you.

# 9: Open your heart: Have you realised that when your partner talks about their feelings (even if it is that they are upset at you) it does not really help to apply logic or reason? It is better to just listen with an open heart and communicate empathy. Easier said than done? Just practice.

# 10: Love, respect and affection: The key to successful relating is not found in complex theories or convoluted formulas for behaviour. It is based on the deepest feeling of love, respect and affection for your partner, and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding. Good relating begins in your heart and then continues on a moment-to-moment basis by engaging your partner when feelings run high when they are sad, angry or hurt. The heart of relating is being there in a particular way when it really counts.

Filed Under: communication, listicle, love/relationship/marriage Tagged With: couple, couples communication, couples satisfaction, happy, healing relationship, long term relationship, relationship challenges, relationship vision, relationship wisdom

How to Stay Happy in a Long Term Relationship

April 9, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich 2 Comments

couple with guitarre
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Relationships are the fastest way to personally evolve if you are prepared to stay a continuous student. Any relationship will, sooner or later, bring up and highlight areas in which you can learn more about yourself, your partner and your ability to truly relate to what is.

What is a long term relationship?

In order to find out how we can stay happy in a long term relationship we need to first clarify the meaning of ‘long term relationship’. Personally, I would consider a relationship to be long term somewhere around the time when it passed the two to three years mark. The reason for that time frame is that the initial honeymoon period, in which we start out as a couple, lasts anywhere from 6 to 18 months, at the most – and if you are lucky – 3 years. For more information on the different stages in relationships refer to my most popular article called ‘Stages of a Relationship’.

Staying happy

‘Staying happy’ means that you mostly feel comfortable in your relationship without having to deal with any major crisis on a regular basis. Staying happy should also include a healthy attitude and acceptance towards arguments with your partner. If, on the other hand, you expect that you will never be upset at your partner or that there will never be a negative feeling between you, then you are either denying human reality and/or should probably stay single.

Relationships change over time

Relationships will inevitably change with time. Initially, most couples experience a high level of passion, arousal and loving feelings towards their partner. After the honeymoon period, and when differentiation sets in, we perceive our partner with a more realistic eye, which also means that we come to realise that our previous ‘perfect partner’ might not be that perfect after all. That is the time when you are required to face up to reality and you can choose to continue with your relationship with more true openness to what is, accepting its change and grow with it.

Love and connection beyond the effect of hormones

Staying happy in a long term relationship means that you are willing to accept and work with those changes. It means that you find a love and connection deeper than the one powered by hormones. Dealing with differences and accepting disagreeing with your partner are part of any long term relationship.

Communication and openness

A long term relationship will eventually bring out your true self and that of your partner. This can be an uncomfortable evolution as you are being faced with your own, as well as your partner’s, less pleasant parts. That is when open communication, about self, others and the relationship, and acceptance of self and others become major milestones and achievements in your self-development!

Filed Under: communication, inspiration/humour, love/relationship/marriage Tagged With: couple, couples communication, couples satisfaction, happy, healing relationship, long term relationship, relationship challenges, relationship vision, relationship wisdom

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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