The journey with grief and healing after loss includes dealing with anniversaries. This might be your loved one’s birthday, death day or any other specific meaningful day in relation to them. In fact, anything meaningful is a reminder and may trigger reactions and responses – this is very normal.
Here are 10 things to help you think about, prepare and nurture yourself when approaching anniversaries and other meaningful dates.
1. Anniversary reactions are normal
Even years after the loss you may have emotional reactions to anniversaries. You might feel sad, angry, contemplative or any other emotions. Remembering them as being normal can help you understand and take them as healing opportunities.
2. Do whatever feels right for you
Take it in your hands, take responsibility to make the day meaningful/helpful/healing-ful for you. Healing is YOUR choice, remembering too.
If you have done something special please share it in the comments for others to read and benefit.
3. Manage your expectations of others
This might sound harsh but no one is required to remember your loved one. Thinking that others should/need to… will turn into disappointment. Everyone is doing the best they can, some remember but prefer not to talk about it and some don’t remember. In addition, they are not mind readers and therefore do not know whether you prefer to talk about your child or not. In general, society does keep quiet for ‘fear’ of the potential emotional reaction they might trigger.
4. Speak up
Say what you need. Involve those that are important to you. On the first birthday of my daughter, I asked the family to bring something from nature, like a stone, feather etc. to remember Amya. We held a small circle and each person was invited to speak. This is what I needed and by letting people know, it happened. On the girls 2nd birthday, I made this. Just for myself – the way I wanted to honour Amya.