Kenneth Doka, who wrote the book “Grieving Beyond Gender”, developed the idea of two patterns of grieving: the intuitive pattern and the instrumental pattern. Intuitive grievers express grief in an affective way, which means they adapt to it by showing emotions. Instrumental grievers experience grief physically, such as in a restlessness or by thinking about it on a cognitive level. They adapt to it by thinking it through or wanting to do something actively.[Tweet “Why there is not ONE way only to grieve…”]
Let’s look at the two patterns:
Intuitive Grievers:
· Experience waves of emotions
· Express grief mirroring the inner experience: cry, scream and shout
· Say: “I just feel sad all the time” or “I have this overwhelming sense of sadness.”
· Are often disenfranchised later in the process: “What is wrong with this person? He or she is STILL crying?”
· Helpful for them: therapy, support groups, talking to a trusted friend, journaling or internal process to explore those emotions
Instrumental Grievers: [Read more…] about Why Men and Women Have Different Ways of Grieving – Intuitive and Instrumental Grieving