The Argument Is Never Just About the Issue
This past week I had an argument with my husband. What was happening between us is what I regularly see happening with my relationship coaching clients. I will use my personal experience to show you what I mean.
Present and past issues
The present issue was about something I had asked him to do before we went out that evening and it wasn’t done when we were about to leave. I was annoyed as we stood there in our winter coats, ready to leave and we couldn’t because we were missing the item. This is the present issue. What happened from there onwards was that past issues were added on.
We argued but really, it wasn’t about the item itself.
It’s never about one thing
We argued but really, it wasn’t about the item itself or at least not just about it. I don’t like being ready to go out into a cold winter night, being dressed for outside temperature and having to look for ‘that missing thing’ inside, where it’s warm. The same way as we were getting more and more hot in our clothing, our conversation got more and more heated until we parted our own way.
Different cooling-off periods
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