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Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

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self development

Personal Development – Inviting Self-Listening

August 3, 2011 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

man thinking
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Have you been listening to your self lately? What are you saying to yourself or out loud and are you paying attention? With everything we say, we share something about our selves. Self-listening is a key to self-knowing and self-development.

Inner talk

Your thoughts run faster than your ability to speak. If you were trying to speak everything you think you would find you struggle, as you just cannot keep up. Thoughts run automatically – day in, day out, without ever stopping. Once you start paying attention to your inner talk you might find some disturbing or unwanted thoughts running through your mind. Usually, the more you wish them to stop, the more persistent they become.

Outer talk

In everything you say out loud you reveal something about your self. The same way as you communicate with the way you dress and behave. Often however we either don’t really pay enough attention to what comes out of our mouth or we wonder ‘why did I say that’.

Coaching and counselling is also about inviting self-listening. You can learn a lot just by listening to yourself, by truly paying attention to your words. Often I find clients being surprised at their own statements, saying ‘did I really say this?’

Communication

If you practice real communication with yourself, asking yourself questions you might have never have asked yourself before and investigating in your beliefs and values you will become enlightened to the way your life is shaping day by day.

Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself about a topic that you are interested to self-inquire:

  • What is important to me about… (insert your self-inquiry topic here)?
  • What does it (the topic) mean to me?
  • What do I think and/or believe about…?
  • What am I telling myself about…?
  • How do I relate to…?
  • What feelings come up when thinking about…?
  • If not the way it currently appears, how would I like to be with this in future?
  • In what way would this change be important?
  • What would I like to change?
  • Do I know how to change it or, if not, who could I ask to help me change it?
  • How would I feel/think and believe that is different from how it was with this change?
  • Who would I have to become?
  • What would be the consequences for my environment and the people around me?
  • Is this change sustainable and ecological?
  • What do I have to give up? Am I prepared to give this up?
  • Am I ready to make the change now?

Changing self

Changing your self happens one conversation at the time. If you need support with this change, ask someone who is able to help you with their expertise and understanding of self development.

Remember that you already have the resources inside of you. All you need is to tap into them or have someone ask you the right questions. Other people’s solutions and advice might work for them, however it is questionable whether they apply to you.

Filed Under: communication, self development/motivation Tagged With: self, self development, self knowledge, self listening, tuning inside

Relationship Wisdom – What Stops You From Having Sex With Your Partner?

July 17, 2011 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

couple having sex
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Reading the statistics about how often a couple has sex makes some wonder: ‘What’s wrong with me?’ The fact is that these numbers are not necessarily representative of the whole population. Still, the question remains: What stops you from having sex with your partner?

We used to have sex all the time!

We can find a multitude of reasons why the frequency of intimacy and sexual intercourse in specific usually decreases over the course of a relationship. First of all, it depends on the libido of the people involved, so keep that in mind while continuing to read this article. One reason that applies to all of us is that at the beginning of a relationship, while a couple is filled with ‘honeymoon hormones’ the drive to have sex is the highest. Given that this state lasts anywhere from six to 18 months and then decreases, it makes sense that so does the desire. This reason is based in biology and it is said that it is linked to the average time it takes to procreate and conceive a baby.[Tweet “We used to make love all the time…”]

Other reasons

In addition to that we also enter into a different way of interacting as the relationship progresses. Some couples move in together, have babies, jobs, bills to pay and life takes over. From being very focused on the other at the beginning of the relationship we come back to ourselves a bit more. Where at the beginning of a relationship you meet and all you do is focus on each other, later you might spend time in the same location with each other and you might be doing some work, paying bills, doing some housework etc.

Maturing relationships

With time we are also less able to just show the ‘perfect me’ and become more of the ‘real me’, which at times has negative emotions spilling over or annoying habits showing up. In all relationships that I have been working with it has also been obvious that the longer a relationship lasts, the more reactions are experienced to the differences in a couple. Things that might not have been obvious in the beginning suddenly stand out as if they are highlighted. And some of these lead to disappointment, resentment and conflict.

Get your mind out of the way

The strongest block in sexuality that I have come across in my couples work is the mind. Next time you deny your partner sex, ask yourself: What’s going on in my mind? What am I telling myself about him or her, about the situation etc.? The power of your mind can stand between you and your partner’s sexual enjoyment. In addition, it is where we hold our limiting beliefs (for example I’m not sexy enough, I shouldn’t enjoy sex or sex is bad), judgments (for example He’s just not doing it right, she is not willing to be experimental etc.) and rules (for example I can only have intercourse when…). If you start listening to your inner conversations, you will get an idea of the powerful blocks you’ve set up for yourself!

Filed Under: gender/sexuality, love/relationship/marriage, sexuality/intimacy Tagged With: relationship, self development, sex, sexuality

Seven Steps to Personal Happiness

July 3, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich 1 Comment

smile
Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

1. Happiness is accepting “what is” and getting on with life. Recriminations or regrets have no place in happiness.

2. Happiness is a natural state of being, just choose it and make it happen. You will never be happier than you expect to be, so raise your expectations.

3. Happiness is savouring every moment in the present. Spending too much time in the past or the future is robbing you of your NOW.
Time NOW is your life NOW. Treasure it.

4. Happiness is developing the wisdom to know what is in your control and what isn’t and accepting it. Knowing that you can only control yourself.

5. Happiness is making time for yourself every day in any way you choose and allowing others the same right.

6. Happiness is appreciating what you ALREADY have and not dreaming your life away.

7. Happiness is letting all of the people in your life know how much you love and appreciate them now. Live each moment as if it is your last.

In the end, what matters is;
How well did you live
How well did you love
How well did you learn to let go

How do you make sure you experience happiness?

Happy to read your comments 🙂

Filed Under: inspiration/humour Tagged With: authenticity, happiness, personal awareness, self development, steps to happiness

Instructions for Life by the Dalai Lama

May 6, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich 1 Comment

love hearts
Photo by Bruce Hong on Unsplash

1. Take into account that great love and great achievement involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
~ Respect for self
~ Respect for others and
~ Responsibility for all your actions
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realise you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation, don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge, it’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been to before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is the one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Dalai Lama

Filed Under: communication, self development/motivation Tagged With: Dalai Lama, instructions, life, self development, self-awarenes, wisdom

Motivation for Achievement

January 9, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich 1 Comment

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

What makes the difference between those people who are very inspired to achieve something and those who are not so determined? Those who do almost everything to excel and succeed by putting in a lot of effort and those who don’t work as hard and for whom it is not that important?

The difference lies in the motivation for achievement.

It can be defined as

  • Having a strong desire to accomplish something
  • Striving for a standard of excellence
  • Expending effort in order to excel
  • Having an appetite to accomplish a difficult result
  • Being driven to outperform others

According to research by David McClelland it has been found that people with a high motivation for achievement work harder, are more future oriented, more innovative, more persistent and they desire success much more than they fear failure. An interesting point is also that they attribute success to internal factors (like optimists do) as opposed to external factors (as do pessimists). In terms of choosing their challenge they have the ability to distinguish a suitable task as being challenging but not impossible. This means that they choose their task wisely and therefore experience the satisfaction of reaching their goals. People with a low motivation for achievement interestingly either choose tasks that are too challenging, in which they are more prone to fail, or tasks that are too easy, in which there is not enough stimulation.

Can you train Motivation for Achievement?

Experiments have shown that humans indeed can learn to become more achievement motivated. You can even learn and teach it to yourself.

As with any behavioral change it is a process over time. Firstly, practice choosing tasks or set goals that are at a suitable level: challenging and yet achievable. Secondly you put more focus on and celebrate your successes rather than being focused on and frustrated about your failures. Thirdly you need to practice being persistent.

Which one of the three steps mentioned here do you want to focus on and in which way is it achievable and still challenging for you?

Like the Japanese proverb says: ‘Fall down seven times, get up eight.’

Filed Under: self development/motivation Tagged With: achievement, coaching, motivating yourself, motivation, self development, self-motivation

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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