Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

stillbirth

Ana Vick on the Importance of Stillbirth Prevention | Episode 33

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HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self, funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
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Ana Lepe Vick

Today on the podcast I am speaking with Ana Vick about the trauma of stillbirth and pregnancy loss. Ana believes in the importance of stillbirth prevention during pregnancy. Having experienced the trauma of pregnancy loss multiple times, and finding out more about Owen’s reason for death helped her move from self-blame and shame and gave her some sort of closure. This allowed Ana to turn her story into meaningful advocacy to support others not having to experience what she had.  

About this week’s guest 

Ana Lepe Vick is a maternal health advocate and stillbirth rights activist who grew up in the Bay Area and is a recent North Carolina transplant. She is a wife and mother of 3, known as Still My Son on social media where she finds support and inspiration to continue pushing for change in memory of her middle son, Owen Nathaniel, and all babies gone too soon. Owen was unexpectedly born still at almost 32 weeks of a perfect “textbook” pregnancy via crash c-section. She also suffered miscarriages before and after Owen’s death so she’s no stranger to the trauma of pregnancy loss. Although she would much rather have her son in her arms, she proudly parents Owen through her activism and role as Co-Director of Communications of PUSH for Empowered Pregnancy (a stillbirth prevention non-profit she helped found with other bereaved families in 2021). As part of the Count the Kicks Influencer Advisory Board she leads targeted efforts to outreach to Spanish-speaking communities because every parent deserves to know how to protect their baby through fetal movement education. She is the Social Media Lead for the SHINE for Autumn Act, which is a bill she hopes will be passed soon for the U.S. to start making a systemic change to prevent stillbirths. In addition, Ana is helping to spread “Womb Wisdom” through her new educational platform, Sacred Birth Circle, where she interviews maternal health experts & birthing parents to help families be better informed about their pregnancy and birth journeys. She will always wish her family could be complete, but she’s thankful she can keep her son’s memory alive while saving babies in his honor. 

Check out Ana’s links:

Topics discussed in this episode

  • The stillbirth of her son Owen 
  • The trauma of pregnancy loss
  • The importance of stillbirth prevention during pregnancy
  • Knowing the reason for Owen’s death helped Ana move from guilt and gave her some sort of closure

Resources mentioned in this episode

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Nathalie with Joy Bornstein on Using Art to Cope with Loss and Trauma | Episode 19

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Joy Bornstein

Today on the podcast I’m speaking with Joy, who I’ve known since 2015 as part of the May We All Heal community. This community was born out of a group of women from the Grieving Parents Support Network. They came together year after year during the month of May to focus on dealing with their grief using creativity. 

Joy has used a unique approach with her artwork, which can be seen on her Instagram channel. 

Joy describes how she moved from feeling ashamed for disassociating from her pain, which was her coping mechanism to understanding and appreciating it as her survival strategy at the time. 

Joy says:

You deal with it when you can. That is how you are surviving. That is how your brain is keeping you safe in a situation that is not safe so now it’s like ‘oh yeah just disassociating, it’s okay, I’ll deal with it later.’ I mean it doesn’t mean it’s easy to deal with but just knowing that yeah that’s an ok thing to do for my brain to survive.

About this week’s guest 

Joy Bornstein uses art as a way to process everyday emotions and the long-term scars left by trauma. She is the mother of 3 living children, the mother of a stillborn son, Bennet, and a former victim of domestic abuse. Joy uses colour, line, and shape to explore emotions in a way that can’t be expressed in words in an attempt to turn pain into beauty.

Joy’s Instagram: @fire_fly_joy

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Stillbirth and physical trauma
  • Shame around the coping strategy of disassociating 
  • Dissolving a marriage, domestic abuse, divorce, custody battles, and dealing with the children’s trauma
  • May We All Heal – using art to cope with loss and trauma 

Resources mentioned in this episode

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Support this Podcast

To support this podcast, please rate, review, subscribe to, or follow the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.

Remember to keep breathing, I promise, it will get easier. 

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Nathalie with Amy Watson on Stillbirth, Miscarriage, and Pregnancy After Loss | Episode 7

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Amy Watson on Stillbirth, Miscarriage, and Pregnancy After Loss

Today I speak with Amy Watson who has experienced a stillbirth and a miscarriage. She talks about pregnancy after loss, how she struggled but also how she supported herself through the different losses. The interesting part of her story is how differently she experienced her two losses and how she managed those differences. 

Amy says:

‘I call it Radical Self-Compassion, which means you love every part of you, including the grief, including the trauma, including the mess that it at all is, because that’s the reality of being a human. We go through these hard things and even if we don’t realise it, we all have these ideas of what it’s supposed to look like and how we’re supposed to be. I mean, that kind of covers at all? It’s like an umbrella: if you’re just really kind yourself. Because sometimes we think, well, if I just love myself when I want to lay in bed, I’ll just lay in bed forever, right? I’ll never get any better. But the opposite is true because if you’re kind and you just give yourself the space to maybe sleep in a little bit, you’re probably going to process through. And end up being able to get going if you want to. Or maybe you lay in bed, and you don’t make it mean anything about you.’

About this week’s guest 

Amy Watson is a certified life and grief coach. She takes her own experiences with stillbirth, miscarriage, and pregnancy after loss and combines them with proven techniques to help moms find themselves again after loss. She shares everything she knows to help you feel more peaceful, confident, and hopeful on her podcast, Smooth Stones. Amy wants all loss parents to know that by making friends with grief, tapping into their own inner voice, and learning to truly love themselves again they will be able to have not just a life to be endured, but one that is full and beautiful. Amy is a sought-after podcast guest, and she loves sharing her story, her babies, and hope everywhere she goes.

Visit Amy here:

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Lauren’s stillbirth
  • Explaining death to Lauren’s siblings
  • Pregnancy after loss and when you know it’s the right time
  • Whom to have on your support team for pregnancy after loss
  • Firefighter and builders – read more in the book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple by Nathalie Himmelrich
  • River’s miscarriage, complicated D&C with physical trauma
  • Difference between grieving Lauren and River
  • Grieving and faith
  • Radical self-compassion

Resources mentioned in this episode

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Support this Podcast

To support this podcast, please rate, review, subscribe to, or follow the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.

Remember to keep breathing, I promise, it will get easier.

Nathalie with Domenique Rice on Unapologetically Grieving Out Loud | Episode 5

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Today I speak with Domenique Rice who I have come to know as part of the Instagram community of bereaved parents supporting one another in the Grieving Parents Support Network. People come and go in this community, but Domenique has stayed actively involved and developed a voice to be noticed creating stillbirth awareness in honour of her son TJ.

‘I need to parent my son and honour where I’m at. So that’s the evolution, once again of the ‘stillbirth-Mama-fighting-for light’ and how I really transitioned my grief in my reality to be unapologetic and I say that quite often: unapologetic grief. It has taken me time, but I can’t sugar-coat once again my reality. I can’t water myself down.’

Domenique Rice

About this week’s guest 

Domenique Rice wears many hats – staunch activist, laid-back California transplant, savvy Brooklyn girl, superstar salesperson – but her most important role is that of (bereaved) mother of five. Domenique never had any reason to suspect that something was amiss in her second pregnancy, at least, not until it was already too late. Like most parents, stillbirth and preventative measures were never discussed with Domenique, leaving her completely blindsided when at 36.5 weeks pregnant she unexpectedly went into labor and her second child and first son, TJ, was born still.

In between her morning “TJ coffee” where she holds space each day for her son, rocking a successful sales career, and loving on TJ’s living siblings, Domenique is passionate about sharing her stillborn son, creating stillbirth and child death awareness, and connecting with other bereaved families to support them in their nontraditional parenthood. Grief is not something that parents should need to hide. Stillbirth affects over 23,000 families each year, and Domenique is not willing to stand by while any of them are silenced for one moment longer. 

Feel free to connect with Domenique on her well-regarded Instagram account, @stillbirthmamafightingforlight, where she is actively breaking down stigma and dropping knowledge to prevent stillbirths from happening.

Topics discussed in this episode

  • The death of her son TJ, Terrance Christopher Rice
  • Unapologetically grieving out loud and the love for TJ
  • How to parent a dead child?
  • Using social media (IG) to talk openly and connect to other like-minded people
  • Differences in grieving between partners and how to support one another

Resources mentioned in this episode

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Support this Podcast

To support this podcast, please rate, review, subscribe to, or follow the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.

Remember to keep breathing, I promise, it will get easier.

My Child Died – A Conversation Stopper

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mural with child
Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

Many people are lost for words when they hear me say that my child has passed away. Losing one’s own child is one of those experiences that we don’t know how to deal with – an untimely death.

I want to encourage people to dare to speak to me about my child, to mention her name and to ask me how I feel about it now. It does not have to be the only topic we talk about but it definitely shouldn’t be the one topic to avoid.

It might bring up emotions in me and it will definitely bring up emotions in you. What you are doing with them – allow and welcome or hide and suppress them – is the question.  You are meeting your own grief. You might be afraid of what you think it must feel like for me.  The chance is that I’ve already gone through and experienced the sadness, despair,  hopelessness, anger… This however is no absolution from feeling it again and again whether you mention it or not. Sooner or later I will go through the emotions and so are you. There is no way of hiding from this experience in life.

So the question really becomes: Can you bear standing in the face of any emotions, mine or your own? Are you ready to be authentic and share your tears with me? Or are you more comfortable hiding them?

There is no right or wrong way and no judgement of mine. It’s whatever you are comfortable with in yourself.

And remember – there is no set time frame for grief.

It will NEVER be over, so don’t expect me to ‘be over it’.

I don’t want time to heal this wound.

Yes, it will (and already has) get easier.

Grieving the Loss of My Child

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angel in the clouds
Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

Having given birth to my twin girls just 4 weeks ago and having had to say good-bye to one of them just two days afterwards, I am experiencing all the facets of grief. This gives me a totally new perspective and a truly personal relationship with what is probably one of the deepest emotions to experience: grieiving one’s child.

I’ve put the following together to help friends and family understand on how to deal with us and our grief:

Wishes of An Angel’s Mum and Dad

  • I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby Amya Mirica Hope. Just because you never saw her doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve your recognition.
  • I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning her. I need to cry and talk about my baby with you, it helps me heal.
  • I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that you are thinking of me, it tells me you care.
  • I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby and the dreams I had for her are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too, but please understand that it’s not all like that.
  • I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I’m not acting the way you think I should be. Grief is a very personal thing and we’re all different people who deal with things differently.
  • I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m ok or if I have a bad day I’m being unreasonable. There is no “normal” way for me to act.
  • I wish you wouldn’t expect me to “feel better” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. It may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.
  • I wish you could tell me you are thinking of me on my baby’s birthday, Mothers Day, celebration times and the day my baby died. These are all important and sad days for me.
  • I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. I’m not the same person I was before and I’ll never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to “normal” you’ll stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the ‘new’ me, you might even still like me.

Avoid Clichés & Unhelpful Comments

Remember that we loved and wanted THIS baby, Amya Mirica Hope even though we have Ananda Mae Passion with us

  • “Everything happens for a reason”
  • “You will have another baby”
  • “I know what you’re going through (unless you have experienced a similar loss)
  • “I guess it’s God’s way of taking care of those with problems”
  • “You would rather have lost your baby then look after a child with a disability”
  • “Sometimes these things happen for the best”
  • “It wasn’t meant to be”
  • “You’re young, you’ll get over it”
  • “At least you weren’t farther along.”
  • “This was probably a blessing in disguise.”
  • “Now you have an angel in heaven.”
  • “It was God’s will”
  • “At least you have other children”
  • “At least you can get pregnant”
  • “The baby would have been deformed anyway”
  • “Everything will be fine next time”
  • “You can try again”

Also, don’t fill in conversations with unnecessary outside news, including the announcement of a pregnancy or the birth of another baby.

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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