Many couples head into a relationship with lots of enthusiasm. This is good, right? This is what makes most relationships so interesting and exciting at the beginning. There are a lot of assumptions created from the honeymoon period hormones, which are then turned into expectations for the remainder of the relationship. Let’s have a look at how we can start with a bit more openness, reality check and clarity.
You used to tell me every day how beautiful I am
If receiving affirmative comments to you is a high priority value you will have been sold by those statements and swept away into feeling loved. He fulfilled one important need and turned the key and unlocked your heart. This is a beautiful way to start a romance but what if those beautiful words were just present at the happy beginning?
Starting over
Creating a relationship vision, like any other vision for life or business, has the potential to move you forward in life as a couple and support you in a satisfying partnership. When this vision in based on your personal values, the things that give meaning to your life, it will also ignite and bring more meaning to you as a couple. You can do this any time, the sooner the better.
What is a Relationship Vision?
By creating a vision you make clear what you want. You are describing in words what you can see, feel, hear and smell, based on your values and purpose. This vision can be a one-year, three-year, five-year or ten-year vision.
How can we create our Relationship Vision?
It is an advantage if both partners equally desire to create more meaning and put the time aside to work on a relationship vision. It is also possible to create a relationship vision if you are still single and want to imagine the kind of partnership you want to invite into your life.
Step 1: Identify your personal values
Values are those things that truly matter most to you. It might be honesty, openness, creativity, freedom, etc. Start by making a list of the 20-50 most important values for you and rate them from 1 to 5, 1 being very important, 5 being less important. Notice all the values scored as 1 or 2 and make a list of the top five core values that you cherish the most.
Step 2: Identify your relationship values
Relationship values are those things that truly matter most to you in regards to your relationship and your partner. Do this alone before sharing with your partner. Do it in the same way as you came up with your personal values but remember that there are specific relationship values that you might like to add, for example, intimacy, creating a family together, physical proximity etc.
Step 3: Compare your personal and your relationship values
Notice whether both of your values work together. Be honest with yourself and whether you are compromising your personal values for your relationship values. If necessary, align them so there is no compromise.
Step 4: Write your relationship vision
Pick a time frame: 1-year, 3-year, 5-year or 10-year and write from that moment, describing what you see, feel, hear etc. Use present tense and state as if you are looking through your eyes. Make sure you include the values that are most important to you. Remember to make this vision achievable and believable for you but let it stretch your imagination.
Step 5: Read it aloud
First, read it aloud to yourself. Then, if you have a partner, read it to them. Ask them to listen attentively and encourage you with their whole being.
Living according to your personal and relationship values and being aware of your partner’s values will give you greater relationship satisfaction in itself. Once you have openly shared your vision with your partner there might be goals you want to set together or other conversations coming up regarding what you want to achieve together.
Remember that this might bring up insecurities as well as excitement. Being truthful to yourself and to your partner will make your relationship more real and propel you towards your personal vision and purpose.