This week on Thursday it will be 11 years since my mother died from suicide following years of battling with depression.
Grief still works through me. This year, I am approaching the anniversary very consciously, starting with writing this today.
How do I approach death anniversaries?
Remembrance
I let myself sit with feelings as they come and go, choose to look at memories and photos in honour of her, become teary looking at certain ones, plan to visit the cemetery and give myself time for remembrance, and also time off when needed.
Self-care
I make sure I create space to allow what I might or might not expect: emotional up and downs, lack of motivation to do anything… whatever it might be this time.
Create meaning
In different years in the past, I purposely chose something to make it a meaningful day, such as: donating my books to the hospital, creating a circle of people who know her and sharing memories, and planting flowers, just to name a few. Last year I bought 10 red roses and brought them to my mother’s grave. Read more about the years prior here…
🙋🏻♀️ How about you? What is the best way for your to deal with your loved one’s death anniversary?
Image Credit: Alexander Grey, Unsplash.com
My mum died 33 years ago, my nana 16 years ago, my son just over 8 years. I still pause on my mum’s anniversary, I have an ice cream for my nana. For my son I pause and reflect
That’s beautiful Ann.
Thank you for sharing. I love the way you pause, reflect, and have ice cream in remembrance of your Nana.
Much Love Nathalie
My son died suddenly of unknown cardiomyopathy, it will be 26 months on the 20th, just sobbed, as I made beef stew for the first time since he died, which was the meal I made the night my daughter called, he was gone in one hour, walked in with his wife, no one could say good bye or pray, I saw him every weekend with his son, not close to the mother, my son would call every night, I miss him so much, I believe in my heart he is in heaven with Jesus, but he was my only joy, I have lost all elders and best friends, the loneliness is deafening……I am in grief share group, therapy on meds, am I normal to be so sad all the time, I’m doing the basics, not extras, he was like me, always happy, now it’s just so hard…my daughter has 3 girls thank God, but she is more like my husband, moody, not as bad as him…..my life is forever changed and I hate it now……sorry, I’m honest to a fault, he was 49, his son was 5, now 7, lived only 4-5 miles away same as daughter…….meeting tonight…..thank God……blessings, Joyce
Dear Joyce,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. It seems you are dealing with his loss, but also loneliness, and potentially challenging family relationships and it is completely understandable that you are grieving. You also write about the support that you have with the grief share group, therapy etc. Sometimes grief can become complicated by other issues creating an overwhelming feeling which makes it challenging to be able to digest the grief. Wishing you all the best, Nathalie
This Saturday 21st 9f January will be my daughter’s 2nd year. I have been riding the waves of grief approaching this time for about a month the anticipation of the day of her accident till the day she passed. I recently lost my mum so have decided to celebrate both their lives together as well as my dad’s life. We have planed to let go of balloons have a BBQ drink have photos and share stories. Every day is hard but the love and unity from my beautiful family and friends makes all the difference.
Thankyou It has been since Sept 14 2015. The girl that killed her got 50 to 80 But with parole an all who knows. I just don’t think she should just get to get on with her life. I told the Judge I didn’t think she should get to enjoy the life she took from All of us. I usually don’t do the Seath anniversary thing usually Celebrate her Birthday Let purple balloons fly up to her insmllins fly away it was her Favorite color have a little family reunion then come home an Cry for a t least 2 weeks again not sure if I ever quit, I can say theres something worse than the pain of giving Birth an its endless
She had a Beatifull Sole an an a Beatiful Smile Always helping others even if she had other things to get done
I lost my confidence, best friend, reason for living on July 4, 2015. He was my son, Jami Ryan Moore. That was rough but I thank God that he let me have my Daddy for the following two years to help me. My daddy, my hero, my heart died in February 15, 2017. I always thought it would get better but it doesn’t. It is hard for me just to talk about either of them without tearing up. Therapy has been suggested but that is only telling the therapist my story while still crying, so that confuses me. I know God is in control and I know she don’t make mistakes. But…..
Dear Pamela,
I’m sorry for the loss of your son and your father.
Therapy – or at least the kind of therapy I offer – is not just about telling your story. It is about finding ways to integrate the loss into your life.
I hope you have the support you need around you and in your faith.
All my love, Nathalie
I dont celebrate the Day we lost her we just Shaew our Amber syorieshawyiny lost her , We are still celebrating her Birthsay an an talk about how Speacial she still is to all of us
I didn’t understand everything you wrote, Sherry.
Beautiful that you are celebrating her birthday – I’m so sorry for your loss.