• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

  • Books
    • NEW BOOK! Bridging The Grief Gap
    • Shop
      • My Account
    • Amazon shop
  • About Me
    • Media Links
    • Work with Me
      • Counselling and Coaching
  • Resources
    • Courses
      • May We All Heal 2022 – A New Beginning
    • Donate
    • Grievers Support
    • Supporters Resources
    • Grieving Parents Support Network
    • Grief Quotes (Downloads)
    • Free Downloads
  • Blog
  • Podcast
    • Listen Here
    • Show Notes
  • English

Grief 10 years on

January 19, 2022 By Nathalie Himmelrich 4 Comments

Even though the time that has passed since death
does not determine the amount of grief left to be felt,
it still gives us information
on the length of time
we managed to survive without them.

Nathalie Himmelrich
From Nathalie Himmelrich´s private archives

Table of Contents

  • What does grief and grief work look like 10 years on?
    • Grief still works through me
    • Feelings come and go
  • Grief over time
    • 10 years into grief (child loss)
    • 7 years into grief (child loss)
    • 6 years into grief (child loss)
    • 5 years into grief (child loss)
    • 4 years into grief (sibling loss, mother loss, child loss)
    • 3 years into grief (child loss)
    • 2 months into grief (child loss)

What does grief and grief work look like 10 years on?

Today is my mother’s 10th year death anniversary. She died from suicide following years of depression, just 4.5 months after my daughter’s death.

First of all, it feels partly unreal that it’s already 10 years and partly I’m in sort of disbelief about the fact that she died at all.

Let me be clear: I’m cognitively absolutely clear that she is dead. And still, it’s somehow strangely unreal.

Grief still works through me

Today, I noticed feeling on edge, easily annoyed by trivial things. That’s normal and to be expected when the layer of ice over grief is thinned through an anniversary date. Honestly, I think my physical body is aware of and reacting in response to the approaching anniversary way before the mind catches up.

Feelings come and go

I let myself sit with feelings as they come and go, choose to look at memories and photos in honour of her, become teary looking at certain ones, plan to visit the cemetery, and leave ten roses for her. I feel restless, a bit lost, and let myself be in it. And then I do something else for a while and let it rest.

How long has it been for you? How do you feel around your loved one’s death anniversary? Share with me here.

Grief over time

If you want to read more about how grief changed over the years, you might find the following articles interesting to read:

10 years into grief (child loss)

  • The Purpose of Grief
  • How Did You Survive Child Loss?

7 years into grief (child loss)

  • The Evolution Of Grief: Grieving In The Seventh Year
  • Death Anniversary: The Body Remembers

6 years into grief (child loss)

  • The Birthday Of The Child Who Isn’t Alive

5 years into grief (child loss)

  • Learning To Live Without You

4 years into grief (sibling loss, mother loss, child loss)

  • Gusts Of Grief – 4.5 years into grief seen through the eyes of a surviving twin (sibling loss)
  • You Have Got To Be Strong Now – reflections on my mother´s death 4 year into grief (mother loss)
  • Dear Child Of Mine – 4 years into grief (child loss)

3 years into grief (child loss)

  • It’s 3 Years Today That I Held You In My Arms: The First, The Last, The Only Time

2 months into grief (child loss)

  • Grief – A Very Personal Experience

Filed Under: child loss, family of origin, from personal experience, grief support, grief/loss, grieving parents Tagged With: death anniversary, grief 10 years on, grief and time, time heals

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Donna M Brogni says

    January 20, 2022 at 12:04 am

    It will be seven years for my husband and your right my bodyy feels shaken or I am uneasy then all of a sudden I realize that oh its a birthday or anniversary it is always there to remind you even if your not thinking about it.I go to the cemetery on those special days and visit them.I use to go to the cemetery every week but now it is usually once a month and sometimes I feel guilty when I do not go.It just makes me feel good.

    Reply
    • Nathalie Himmelrich says

      January 20, 2022 at 9:43 am

      Dear Donna,
      7 years… I´m sorry for your loss, Donna.
      I remember writing about grief in the 7th year (here).
      It is helpful for me to know that I have written so much over the past 10 years and as I look back I notice the changes over time.
      Donna, I encourage you to do more of what is helpful to you at any given moment. This will change over the years. This is normal and to be expected.
      Much Love, Nathalie

      Reply
  2. Janelle says

    January 22, 2022 at 2:13 pm

    Hi Natalie
    In a few weeks it will be 5 years since we lost our son, he lived with us earth side until he was 12 weeks old, that was the start of my grief journey.
    2 and a half months after losing my son, my brother suicided after his battle with depression. I was trying to help him with his battle while going through my grief. I thought I had helped him. My grief quickly turned to anger and a different type of grief.
    4 months ago, I lost my Mum, she passed away from emphysema, she began smoking again after my Brother’s Death.
    I know what it’s like to lose a child, and then I watched my Mum’s battle after losing her child by suicide. I can’t imagine her pain, especially after losing her Grandson too.
    She was under palliative care for 6 months before she passed. I was not ready to lose her too.
    I miss them all dearly, I still have days when I am angry at my brother.
    My son would be starting school in February, it’s a really difficult time. But just like every anniversary I start to feel it before I even realise it. I know the date is coming but the emotion sneaks up on me.
    I have a 10 year old and 3 year old girl and at the moment helping my Dad learn to live without his wife of almost 60 years.
    Thankfully my husband is very supportive.
    They way you explained the box, is spot on. Some days I want to keep shut, locked and never open it.
    Sometimes I need to open it a little, and other days I wonder if I will ever be ok with opening it completely.
    I have learnt that grief is a journey
    Thank you for your words
    Janelle

    Reply
    • Nathalie Himmelrich says

      February 4, 2022 at 1:45 pm

      Dear Janelle,
      Yes, yes, yes: Grief is a journey or maybe it is like a pilgrimage. We don’t really know what happens on the way, we go on and on, sometimes it is hard work, other times we meet strangers who unexpectedly become friends, we collect some precious stones along the way and… we might end up somewhere we didn’t expect.
      Your life seems to be giving you multiple intertwined grief pilgrimages. Some might say: ‘I don’t know how you can handle this.’ I would say: ‘Use the experience you have gained from your ‘older’ pilgrimages for ‘newer’ journeys. You have already so much experience in not just surviving but also in creating and living again after loss.’
      One thing I know from raising a child while grieving: Those little beings show us the way to find beauty within the rough.
      Much Love, Nathalie

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Cart

Subscribe for updates
    Built with ConvertKit
    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

    Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Affiliate Disclosure

    Copyright © 2012 - 2022 Nathalie Himmelrich | All Rights Reserved

    We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However you may visit Cookie Settings to provide a controlled consent.
    Cookie settingsACCEPT
    Manage consent

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
    CookieDurationDescription
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
    viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
    Functional
    Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
    Performance
    Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
    Analytics
    Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
    Advertisement
    Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
    Others
    Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
    Save & Accept