As many of you working with couples and individuals in relationships is my passion. Many of my clients come because they experience challenges and some are going through separation or divorce.
Through my work, I also learn a lot FROM my clients, which in the end supports other clients. Thank you.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned…
1. Things don’t always turn out the way we expect
While I was overseas, one particular couple who seemed to be heading in the direction of separation and divorce decided to give it another try. They had already convinced me, that they were better off alone…
2. Commitment can heal many hurts
Affairs, betrayal, or secrets can leave a couple reeling and dealing with challenges. Couples have shown me that if there is commitment, dedication, acceptance, and a willingness to grow and learn together many challenges can be met and dealt with.
3. It is not over ‘til the fat lady sings
I have worked with couples who went through separation only to come back together after experiencing each other from a distance and realizing what actually connected them in the first place. I’m still smiling about one couple where she decided she couldn’t live with one of his habits (smoking) and after working through the whole issue they’ve now got married and committed to each other in an even deeper way.
4. Relationship is self-knowledge
Over and over I hear that my clients learn more about themselves through relationships. What really annoys them about their partner is what triggers core issues in themselves. Looking from a distance it is those gifts that help us heal unresolved past hurts.
5. I just want to know!
Personally, I can so understand when clients say: I just want to know! I have come to observe over and over that as a generalization men tend to not want to hurt their partner and retract to not telling them (for example that they want to leave) whereas women just want to know and move on.
6. I’m right, you are wrong
The biggest learning will be that in any relationship there are usually two quite different viewpoints that each believes to be ‘right’. Only through acceptance of different perspectives and the ability to change perspective can we come to realize that this paradox of opposing opinions means that it is not ‘either/or’ but ‘and’.
So to all my clients who are also my teachers, Thank you!
