I daydream about … 💫 who they would have become ✨
Last night I went to Ananda Mae’s parents’ evening at the school. Every parent had to introduce their child given it was a new formation of kids.
As I heard the other parents describe their child, mentioning their siblings, I went off daydreaming about AM’s sister, A’Mya.
Who would you have become? What would it be like for the two to go to the same school, or even class? To share friends, experiences, and birthdays?
Just the other day Ananda Mae had asked me to daydream with her about her sister. She asked exactly those questions. “Mum, would A’Mya look just like me?” “I imagine very similar, given you are identical twins,” I replied.
Go ahead, daydream
Daydreaming about a future that cannot be is a way of remembering. Remembering your loved one. Living a relationship, learning to be in a new relationship when the kind of relationship we would have wanted to live is no longer possible.
Whoever came up with the notion ‘not to grow up the child/baby who died’ (I remember it was a therapist 🤦🏽♀️ – not me though) was wrong. It is completely normal and natural to do so, at least in my experience and the experience of her surviving twin.
Thank you for being right here and now with me 🕊
Curtis and Elliott
Anne, thank you for sharing Curtis and Elliott with us. How old would they be?
Silas Lane would have been 5 on August 3. As such, he would be a kindergartner. He would know all of his ABCs and be able to count to 50 perhaps! He might be into dinosaurs, anything with wheels, outer space or a nature lover. His blue eyes would twinkle every time a smile lit up his face.
He would love books and crafts and going on nature walks with Mom, Dad and his older sibling. He is forever six hours old, our beautiful heart warrior, and he lives on in our family as a light that never dims despite the days, months, and years that unfold in his physical absence.
Thank you Erin for sharing your daydreams of Silas Lane with us. I’m touched by the image you paint in front of my eyes of this bubbly five-year-old. It makes me smile.
My Bianca Nicole would
Be 29 yrs of age this year, she’d be complaining about how old
She is and how she’s past her prime lol, she said she was past her prime at 23 when he life was brutally taken away. I daydream about her being happily married to the love of her life, having a child
Of her own, she’d be so happy with
Her now adult siblings.
Thank you, Letty, for sharing your daydreams about Bianca Nicole with us. Yes, the secondary losses of missed milestones such as marriage, grandchildren… is also part of daydreams.
Sending you my love
I daydream about my son Brandon. Brandon would have turned 21 in February this year, but sadly he suddenly passed one month before his 21st birthday. I often daydream when I’m walking and I see an old man, I wonder what Brandon would look and be like when he is older, and then I realize he will never be older
Thank you Kristina for sharing your daydreams about Brandon. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.
I can so relate to you imagining him what he would look like when he is older…
My daughter is a still born 22/11/2014 her name is Holly Grace Cordell, it’s been very tough grieving process but through my faith in Jesus I know I will see her again.
Thank you Jennifer for sharing the memory of Holly Grace with us. I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Do you ever daydream about who she’d be?
Much Love, Nathalie
Hoban would be 6 this year and teaching his kid sister all the nerdy fun stuff on dinosaurs, riding bikes, gardening and experiments.
It’d be a fuller, louder home. But they’d be together and growing. The future full of possibilities and the darkness less dark somehow.
I think they’d both have big warm hearts, enjoy music and making forts like my husband and I did. And the laughter and chatter together would amuse us even more than with just the one living, and with us.
I’d love to know my kid’s would have their immediate family complete and alongside them. Right now so often it’s fractious and the extended spread globally.
Thank you, Priscilla, for sharing your daydreaming about Hoban. How old is his sister now?
Much love to you, fellow daydreaming loss mom.
Zeno would have been 21 this past August. He left us by choice , a month before his 20th birthday. I dream of how he would be here helping me keep his brother and step-siblings in line. They all respected and looked up to him. I dream of going to the places we were to visit after the pandemic. I dream of him living, not buried on his grandparents’ property. I dream of hugs and kisses.
I dream of his happiness.
Oh, Eileen, I’m so sorry about the loss of Zeno.
My mother too left us by choice almost 10 years ago.
She died from suicide following a long period of depression.
Continue dreaming of hugs and kisses. Much love from a fellow loss mom. x
Skylar (my only child) would be coming up on his 29th birthday if he didn’t wake up in Heaven when was living his dream life in his dream job of baseball at the age of 24. This weekend I will be celebrating the marriage of yet another of his friends. His friend is walking me down the aisle because he knows I’ll never get to do that and Skylar was like a brother to him.
I daydream of Skylar standing in a church wearing a tux and tennis shoes watching his bride come down the aisle toward him. I see him as a daddy loving his baby and involving his child in everything he does. I dream of him helping me with broken things in my home, of spending a weekend with me. Of going to church with him.
This was a very good exercise and in doing it, I realize I could write and write…so I’m going to keep going in a journal. Thank you!
So beautiful to hear your daydreams of Skylar. Thank you Kim. These images made me smile and it seems that the exercise really brought something to you. Let us know how you’re doing with it.
Charlize Laila, she would be 10 this year. I wonder what foods she’d like, if she’d be a daddy’s girl or a mini me. If she’d be into fashion like me, how’d she’d get along with her cousin Meagan. So many things cross my mind…
Thank you, Covella, for sharing Charlize Laila with us and how you’d imagine her to be like. Much love from a fellow loss mom. x