With a pain in my stomach, I write to you today. This week I received an email from one of my subscribers that really hurt.
She wrote:
I wish ppl would stop trying to make money off us. If you’ve known this kind of tragedy (losing your only child) you know there are setbacks, depression, loss of job, spouse, etc. It’s so unnecessary. So I’m unsubscribing and marking spam.
It pains me to be misunderstood, my passion to be taken the wrong way.
I do know of setbacks: I have experienced the loss of a child, dealt with trauma from the aftermath of my mother’s suicide, sexual abuse, and burnout. And – most recently – divorce.
This is part of why I’m doing what I’m doing!
I want to be honest with you: This is my passion:
–> to support YOU who are dealing with grief and trauma.
It is my life’s work.
My heart is in my work
Still, I also earn my living from supporting people: working with clients, writing and selling books, giving courses. All of this requires my time and my creative work.
It requires investment in my personal as well as professional resources outside of myself. For example:
- costs for book self-publishing: cost for a editor and interior designer,
- costs for my therapeutic work: on-going professional training and memberships,
- everyday business expenses such as: web hosting, book keeping and accounting, membership for the platform that sends you email newsletters.
…just to name a few.
I also do and have done a lot of unpaid work for the community and outreach work, donate my books regularly to grief support groups, give away free spots on my courses, etc. I feel in balance.
My work is not only born from personal life experience, it is grounded in solid professional training and years of professional experience.
Making money from people’s pain
If you believe, people like me ‘are making money off people in pain’, you’ve got it the wrong way around:
We are not making money off your pain, we are supporting your healing because we are passionate about healing and are earning our living while doing what is our passion.
Unsubscribe
The subscriber I quoted above did not unsubscribe. I deleted her email address because I do not need to pay to send her stuff she does not want.
Please, if you no longer benefit from the content I provide in my newsletters, unsubscribe through the link at the bottom of the email. No explanation is needed.
And: I’m surprised you’re reading this far.
Much Love ♥️
I’m very thankful with your work, it really helped me when my first daughter was stillborn. You words lift me up 6 years ago when I felt was falling into a dark abyss and was very misunderstood. But, then I found you and your words brightened my days. From the bottom of my heart, thank you very much!
Go ahead!
No permitas que nada te detenga, haces más de lo que crees.
Con mucho cariño, desde México.
Marcia
Gracias Marcia,
It means a lot to know that my words had the effect of brightening your days, really, thank you.
♥️ Nathalie
Without a doubt she’s in a lot of pain. As we all do when in great pain, we lash out – trying to hold onto anything as a source of our pain because dealing with death is just a complete void of being in the unknown which you can’t control or change. So trying to fix or change something else, anything, feels better than not being able to do a thing about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.
I’m sorry she hurt you. Even if we know it’s not us (and of course those who know you absolutely know you’re not trying to make money off someone else’s grief) it can still hurt. Other people don’t see all the work given away for free, the over and above level of support offered, the years and year being with and excavating your own feelings before even experiencing your own loss, so you can offer decades of experience to someone who is both new to loss and new to navigating intense emotions.
Sending you both love and compassion. May she find the support she truly needs and may those who need you find their way to your door also.
Thank you, Simone,
Yes, I need to remind myself that some of what I do remains invisible and it is also beyond me to make it visible just to prove a point. That’s not me either.
It’s totally true what you highlighted: I wouldn’t be able to support others, had I not spent significant time working with the support of paid professionals, like me, through the loss of my daughter and the suicide of my mother. My journey wasn’t just all smooth sailing either, that’s what makes my professional expertise what it is: colored with a variety of personal setbacks and challenges, clients’ stories, challenges, and victories.
Thank you my friend. ♥️ Nathalie
Hurt people hurt people…
It’s not fair, it’s not ‘ok’ and it’s not justifiable…
My heart hurts for this lady as I can only imagine the pain she is in.. in her hurt, she is lashing out and hurting others..
I’m sorry..
Thank you, Nicole,
A good reminder: hurt people hurt people.
I do that too at times… big sigh.
I’m in compassion with my own hurt and hers.
♥️ Nathalie
Please continue what you are doing with all the heart you use to do this very difficult work. You and others who also lovingly share, encourage and support grievers are the reason this grief stricken mother continues to thrive in a life that is lived without the son I achingly long for.
Thank you Kathleen,
I’m sorry you are longing for a son.
Wishing you all the best, Nathalie
So sorry to hear this happened
to you. I adore your passion and have
benefited greatly from it. This woman was not
at a place to recognise your genuine purpose
to help people with grief. This reflects on her
not you please do not take it personally xx
Thank you Louise,
Your words mean a lot coming from a person who knows what I stand for and what my intention is.
Much Love, Nathalie
just ignore her i value myself so much that im happy to invest in my healing whatever the cost. its the most important thing otherwise i will not survive or thrive. keep doing what you are doing. dont respond to the negatives.
Thank you Sandra,
I appreciate your words.
Nathalie x
Hi Nathalie,I know of what you speak; an unfortunate catch 22 in our work. A frustrating social phenomenon that happens when healing grievers become the healer and the ad hoc grief influencer. We have a burning passion to share what worked for us. We heal our own broken hearts while providing some modicum of healing to the bereaved that we encounter and provide them with tools for their own journey that we have smelted from our own experience. It has been my life’s work for over 30 years alongside my day job. A tremendous but daunting task. Now I am retired from my day job and Social Security allows me to donate my grief work for the most part.
We make a difference and with it comes associated with costs which some perceive as a boondoggle or a just for profit scheme. Unfortunately there are many who do take advantage of the vulnerability of the newly bereaved for their own profit. They make us look bad. Doctors get paid, counselors get paid, pastors get paid, but some folks take umbrage with grief influencers getting compensated and we are earmarked as taking advantage of the vulnerable.
If we protest too loud ( Shakespeare ) that we are misunderstood we take the risk to appear defensive and viewed guilty as charged. Carry on with your work with or without compensation but I would not try to garner support for your work by over defending it. It should speak for itself. The remarks may hurt you, but they are grieving, we forgive them…but I would never tell anyone under any circumstances when you stated ” you’ve got it the wrong way around”. It’s confrontational and arrogant sounding, which dilutes your integrity. Delete them for costs? What costs are associated with sending email information ? They can still get valuable information, it would have been great for her to read this for example to understand better straight from your heart what your mission is from a personal response to her.
Not to chastise you my dear at all, I know the frustration; I know where you are coming from. To be perfectly honest your response sounds whiny, which only lets the air out of your passion and will delegitimize you. You do good work, love your outreach. Shine by example, keep on keeping on. They do not want to hear the sacrifices you made to help them, just the help. Honest service from the heart will naturally be compensated, expect it. Good luck, today is a game changer as is everyday. Namaste , Mitch
Dear Mitch,
I felt the impulse to shine a light on what many are not able to (or don’t want to?) know or see in relation to a grief supporter’s heart work. (At the risk of sounding defensive, again, as you stated.)
Many of my colleagues share the same experiences and, after solid consideration, I wanted to clear the air.
What might have sounded whiny to you allowed space for clarity and energy, also in the resonance of my post, which the unusually high number of comments show.
Thank you for your comment.
I’m so sorry for the unpleasant message you received! I enjoy the personal touch on most if not all of your emails. Your compassion and desire to help and support others shows. Her hurt and anger aren’t really about you, but you know that.
Thank you Anna,
It’s nice to know that I am understood in what I stand for.
And yes, thank you for the reminder 😉
The work you do is so appreciated. When our first son died at birth, I struggled to find someone who understood that type of loss. The loss of what could be had he lived. Your words were inspirational and gave me purpose to continue on. When our second son died at the age of 24 I began to go down the same grief path all over again. Yes it was different. But there was the same longing of speaking with those who understand without judgement. There was so much similar pain and the words of encouragement was again what was needed to carry on. What you do is so out of your heart and out of pocket. Support may have a financial implication not to mention the emotional implication.
Oh, Patti, I’m sorry for the losses of your sons.
I’m touched to hear my words were supportive to you.
All the best, Nathalie
Dear Nathalie,
Thank you for sharing your wisdom .
Thank you for helping to make the world a betterment place.
Thank you for enlightening us with details of behind the scene work and information.
With gratitude and love ,
L
Dear Leslie,
So grateful for your beautiful words,
♥️ Nathalie
I appreciate what you do and my heart aches for anyone that carries the weight of losing a child. I hope there is some healing for her.
Thank you Jeremy,
I appreciate your words, Nathalie
Thank you so much for your honesty here – as another supporter and bereaved parent this resonates deep to my soul. Your why is clear – your heart is open – your space and time are just as valuable as another’s. Breaking the misconception is a full time job and one MUST have the desire and passion for this WORK. Thank you for this post today and your dedication in supporting others.
Dear Katie,
Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate it coming from another grief supporter.
Much love, Nathalie
Aloha Nathalie,
I am very sorry there are people like that who don’t appreciate all the work you do. I do know of other people who serve the grief community who have experienced the same thing you just have. I guess the expectation is that if you work in the field of grief you don’t have to pay rent, food, utilities or other expenses to survive. I do understand those realities. And do recognize all the work you do. Thank you very much for helping this community of people who at times don’t know where else to turn after the loss of a loved one. Wishing you all the best and please continue to rise above these issues as I know there are more people who love what you are doing. Much Love and Aloha, David
Aloha David,
So nice to read your words, thank you.
I see you are working in that field of grief support.
Please send an email to info@nathaliehimmelrich.com – I’d love to talk to you about making my books available to your community.
Much Love, Nathalie
Hello Nathalie,
Wow, your post motivated me to email you straight away, I am saddened that someone would interpret your work in this way. In the many years that I was your client and in the years following your loss of A’Mya, I have witnessed and experienced nothing but your open love and devotion to supporting people through grief, even as you swam in the ocean of your own loss.
I know my life would be less without having had you in it and the support you gave me was worth every penny, if not more.
So much love to you and your work.
Thank you
Dear Stacey,
Thank you for your comment.
It means a lot to me to hear the opinion of long-standing clients, like you, who know me, not just through my communication via email or newsletter but also personally.
Thank you for seeing me as I intend to be, show up, and participate in life and through my work.
Much Love, Nathalie
Nathalie, you are an amazing person who is doing some phenomenal work in the grief community! It pains me that someone used their own pain and turned it into anger towards you, but we all know how emotions can be unleashed at any time (especially when we’re feeling vulnerable or particularly struggling). I very much look forward to reading your latest book and am so happy that you’re helping loss parents like me through this journey. I hope someday to write something to help other families — you’re an inspiration! Keep up the great work. 🙂
Dear Kara,
Thank you for your encouragement.
It is good to keep focusing on those of my readers like you who see me for what I intend to bring to this world.
The new book can be found here on the website or also bought here on Amazon.
Please remember to leave a review on Amazon so other people can make a decision whether this is the right book for them.
Much Love, Nathalie