Even though the time that has passed since death
Nathalie Himmelrich
does not determine the amount of grief left to be felt,
it still gives us information
on the length of time
we managed to survive without them.
What does grief and grief work look like 10 years on?
Today is my mother’s 10th year death anniversary. She died from suicide following years of depression, just 4.5 months after my daughter’s death.
First of all, it feels partly unreal that it’s already 10 years and partly I’m in sort of disbelief about the fact that she died at all.
Let me be clear: I’m cognitively absolutely clear that she is dead. And still, it’s somehow strangely unreal.
Grief still works through me
Today, I noticed feeling on edge, easily annoyed by trivial things. That’s normal and to be expected when the layer of ice over grief is thinned through an anniversary date. Honestly, I think my physical body is aware of and reacting in response to the approaching anniversary way before the mind catches up.
Feelings come and go
I let myself sit with feelings as they come and go, choose to look at memories and photos in honour of her, become teary looking at certain ones, plan to visit the cemetery, and leave ten roses for her. I feel restless, a bit lost, and let myself be in it. And then I do something else for a while and let it rest.
How long has it been for you? How do you feel around your loved one’s death anniversary? Share with me here.
Grief over time
If you want to read more about how grief changed over the years, you might find the following articles interesting to read:
10 years into grief (child loss)
7 years into grief (child loss)
6 years into grief (child loss)
5 years into grief (child loss)
4 years into grief (sibling loss, mother loss, child loss)
- Gusts Of Grief – 4.5 years into grief seen through the eyes of a surviving twin (sibling loss)
- You Have Got To Be Strong Now – reflections on my mother´s death 4 year into grief (mother loss)
- Dear Child Of Mine – 4 years into grief (child loss)