When I held my daughter in my arms as she drew her last breath I knew it.When I learned that my mother had just died through suicide I knew it. I speak boldly when I say that society largely misunderstands grief. Even as a trained psychotherapist specialising in grief and relationship, I misunderstood grief. I thought
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After the death of my daughter six and a half years ago I wrote: “I will never get over this.” This still holds true to some extent. However, I’m no longer in the despair that led me to make over-generalized statements about healing and sentences that implied I had the power of premonition. Healing – no way!
Healing After Child Loss? Possible Or Impossible? Read More »
How long will I be grieving the death of my child? How long will my grief last? When will I feel better? Is there a time to grieve? Is it true that I need to ‘move on’ or ‘get over it’? What does ‘moving on’ look like?
Time To Grieve – How Long Will My Grief Last? Read More »
Comparing grief is something we all have done at some point. “But you’ve only had a miscarriage.”“I experienced the same when my grandpa died.”“My stillbirth was … in comparison to my miscarriages.”“I cannot imagine losing a teenager.” All these are comparisons: a miscarriage versus a stillbirth or neonatal death, the experience of the death of
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So many times bereaved parents hear sentences that proclaim myths about their grieving and healing. We all have heard those myths, so much so that we have come to believe many of them. So it’s no surprise we, as the bereaved, struggle with healing after loss because it’s so different than portrayed or spoken about in society.
The Healing Is In The Feeling Read More »
The holidays and especially Christmas time after a loss can be very challenging. Filled with family gatherings and wishes including words such as ‘merry’, ‘happy’ or ‘grateful’ might you want to scream and run for cover. This is where extreme self-care is required. First Christmas I remember the first Christmas time after my daughter died.
Christmas Time After Loss Read More »
Today is the seventh death anniversary of my daughter. As I’m typing it, I feel the strangeness of this sentence. I stop mid-sentence and find myself somewhat confused. How do I deal with something that I wish wouldn’t be real, year after year?
Death Anniversary: The Body Remembers Read More »
What is it like in the seventh year of grief? Is the grieving still there all the time? Is it gone, mostly gone, or never gone completely? My daughter A’Mya died on September 3rd, 2011, just 3 days old. In the first few months, I couldn’t see further than feeding her twin sister and getting
The Evolution Of Grief: Grieving In The Seventh Year Read More »
How do you parent a dead child? Today is the 6th birthday of my girl. But she is not here on her special day. She is dead. Every time I think about her being dead, it somehow seems unreal. My inconceivable reality. It’s as if I lack words to describe it but continuously find myself
The Birthday Of The Child Who Isn’t Alive Read More »
You are my ‘would-be’ child, you who would have turned five (four | three) last week. The children from Kindergarten would have celebrated with you in the morning. The rest of our family would have visited in the afternoon. We would be singing Happy Birthday to you and you would have impatiently ripped open your presents and whooped
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