writing

They did not survive. I did.

Having lost our daughter at 3 days old and then my mother through suicide just four and a half month later I often doubted I would survive this emotional intensity called grief. I was tired of living. I was exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster. Yet suicide was totally out of the question for me as I was acutely aware of the emotional turmoil my mother had left behind in the family surviving her self-chosen death and I was absolutely clear of the important role I played as the mother to my other child.

Did I do more than survive?

How did I survive the first year? I wonder as I’m looking back. Big sigh. Something in me knows but somehow my memory can’t take me there because it’s not necessary to re-live those days? I don’t know. I find it hard to recall the time besides certain moments that have carved their mark on my soul. Luckily I ofter wrote so I can go and read about it. Journal entries, notes to my friends and family, emails, poems and I wrote a blog. All these writings are what lead to friends encouraging me to write a book.

Writing a book wasn’t part of my life’s aspiration. I regularly wrote articles as part of my professional website as a psychotherapist. Even though I had no idea what writing a book would entail, I knew everything could be learned. Fast forward to today I have written and self-published three books and am working on a not-for-profit community project book. The fourth book I’ll be publishing will be an anthology containing the writing of many mothers and fathers like you. They describe the challenges of the first year after the loss, an account of how they managed to survive.

Writing helps

Having just emerged from reading the submissions we’ve received I was taken on a journey back into the experience of the first year. Not just mine but in fact over 50 mothers’ and fathers’ experiences that they candidly shared with me. These essays took my breath away, left me gasping for air and drying my tears. Even though each parent’s experience is unique I could relate, as a mother, as a bereaved mother and as a human being, touched by their loss in the many-faceted challenges it brings.

What I didn’t fully realise when calling for submissions for this new book, was the potential for healing that this project offers. Writing and its healing potential has been researched widely (for example here and here) but reading the essays I noticed so much more. I remember now that I had already noticed this when doing the research and interviews for my first book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple. The intense involvement with my own and other people’s stories, their ways in which they confronted and handled challenges and what happened inside of me in effect to all of this offered a huge shift in my grief towards healing. And it won’t end with me because given the end product is a book many people will receive; it offers this potential to all those who read it.

This post was originally posten on March 1st, 2017.

When I decided to do the 100 articles in 100 days challenge with EzineArticles I really could not image what writing all these 100 articles meant, let alone in 100 days. Before starting the challenge I had about 70 articles published in the more than three years being a member with EzineArticles. So you can imagine how often I published an article until that time.

At the Beginning

At the beginning of this year, I set myself a goal to write two articles per week. That was already a big step from one article once in a while to a commitment to me of two per week. When the article challenge was announced I felt pulled to up the ante and just go for it full speed.

Day 5

I was on holiday when the challenge started and therefore kept some articles on the ‘to be published’ pile so that I would not get behind right from the beginning. Still, I had to catch up to stay on track, because already in the first week my ‘article moments’ were less often than the days of the week. It is like training for a marathon: at the beginning, it creates a bit of pain and you still continue, keeping the goal in mind.

Day 10

I now let all my 450+ friends on Facebook and my 250+ clients know that I am taking part in this challenge. No way to back out…

With English being my fourth language I have asked my partner to proof-read them. I hope that he is getting some benefit out of my favourite topic and niche being ‘relationships’ and some of it we might even apply in our relationship. I wonder if he can make it through the challenge with me…

Day 20

I started out writing approximately an article every day until about day twenty. At that stage, I had already written more articles than days had passed, so I was giving myself a buffer in case I could not write one day. I am going well, still having fun seeing the number of articles rises and the number of remaining days falls.

Day 30

I am wondering how people find the time to write articles by the thousands as some of the higher ranking authors do. A recent blog question of EzineArticles about the most articles written and published in a day had one author answer with fifty! I simply could not imagine how they do that. Maybe it was a joke? Some of those authors writing many more article than me might need no one to proof-read them, I guess…

Day 40

We have come to day 40, at least in my time zone being Australia, and I have successfully published more than 50 articles! I’m halfway – celebration! I begin to get a glimpse of what 100 articles mean… and it is not over until the fat lady sings.

I have started an article series about introducing different selves, which I found highly beneficial for myself to remember and regain clarity. I have noticed that with writing more articles I have become less identified with the ‘Serious Self’ and more in touch with the ‘Funny Self’, do you agree? Well, if you don’t know, you might have to get to know my ‘Writer Self’.

The Benefits

The benefit I have already begun to notice is that my writing has become much easier-going, more creative and flowing. I simply do not have the time to research every topic that I am writing about in great depth. This means that I am sharing more personally from myself and my experience rather than collecting the knowledge of some experts and putting them together in an article.

I have also noticed that my ‘Writer Self’ is present most days, sometimes I already think about what I could write about today while still in bed in the morning. I will keep you posted.