You are my ‘would-be’ child, you who would have turned five (four | three) last week. The children from Kindergarten would have celebrated with you in the morning. The rest of our family would have visited in the afternoon. We would be singing Happy Birthday to you and you would have impatiently ripped open your presents and whooped […]
Many times during the dark periods of my grieving I wished for it to stop. “I can’t take any more!”; “I hate my life,” and “I don’t want to be like that.” In one specifically dark moment I remember telling my husband: “You have the luxury to decide whether you want to stay with me
Who does not feel overwhelmed at times? I certainly do, more often than I would like to. Today, I have achieved a higher level of insight on the recipe that leads to a number of my overwhelming moments, which I would like to share with you. Have a think about what aspects of this recipe
Have you ever thought about NOT having to be strong? I found this on a blog and I think it’s well worth considering: I don’t think it’s a virtue or an accomplishment to hide or deny your pain so that you can take care of others. We tell people they are “strong” when we are
Today I stood in the garage with my Dad going through the remnants of my parents life. They have been married and together for 54 years from when they were 17 years old. My Dad tears up as he watches my Mum’s picture in what we call ‘Mum’s room’. In every little thing stored in their garage there is history, stories about all those moments they shared.
Sometimes I break downOut of the blueLike unexpected stormWhich hits the landFor no real apparent reason Grief kicks inAnd surprises me with its despairAnd I stand there helplesslyAs my skirt gets soaked by rain Vulnerability shows its faceThe layers of ‘I’m fine’ are wearing thinPenetrated by lonelinessI become silent My head achesFrom all those unshed
Today marks 2 months since Amya Mirica passed away. Yesterday Chris and I went out for the first time in the evening and left Ananda Mae with my sister. We went to the classical concert of the Brandenburg Orchestra of which we have season’s tickets. The previous concert was exactly 2 months ago, the evening
Many people are lost for words when they hear me say that my child has passed away. Losing one’s own child is one of those experiences that we don’t know how to deal with – an untimely death. I want to encourage people to dare to speak to me about my child, to mention her
4 weeks ago I gave birth. I wonder where I was in all this time in between. It seems that my body was moving through the e-motions and yet my memory is lacking. What just happened to me and my life? Nothing seems to be simple anymore. In some moments nothing makes sense. I find
