• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

  • Books
    • NEW BOOK! Bridging The Grief Gap
    • Shop
      • My Account
    • Amazon shop
  • About Me
    • Media Links
    • Work with Me
      • Counselling and Coaching
  • Resources
    • Courses
      • May We All Heal 2022 – A New Beginning
    • Donate
    • Grievers Support
    • Supporters Resources
    • Grieving Parents Support Network
    • Grief Quotes (Downloads)
    • Free Downloads
  • Blog
  • Podcast
    • Listen Here
    • Show Notes
  • English

love language

Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages and their use in the Workplace

August 16, 2011 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

love in a coffee
Photo by Albert S on Unsplash

Gary Chapman’s approach to the five love languages has multifaceted usability, even in the workplace. If you want to read more about the different love languages, you can find plenty of my articles about them here (click here). His approach to teaching us how different people show love and how different people feel the love that you’re intending to show them has been an integral part of counselling couples, families and children to understand themselves and each other better.  When I’ve worked with this model with couples I have many times that they come back reporting how it not only improves their relationship with each other but also taught them something about how to relate to their work colleagues, employees, friends, children etc.

Personal Benefit

I also found that it is of great benefit for your own self knowing to understand how you search for love and admiration. It surprises me, again and again, to find myself fishing for treats that fulfil my strategy. It’s like your ’emotional love account’ has the highest return on investment when payments in Euro come in and people around you seem to be wanting to pay in US $. It just doesn’t give the same return, even though it might be their favourite currency.

So what’s your primary ‘love currency’?

  • Words Of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts Of Service
  • Physical Touch

You can read up on them by clicking on the link provided.

Experiment

Do you know the ‘love currency’ of the people you closely interact with? How about an experiment: If you have a good sense of a person, you might be able to guess their primary ‘love currency’. For the next week, go ahead and pay them with their primary ‘love currency’. Remember that this might not be what you’re most used to playing with so it might mean that you have to be a bit creative here (change some of your $ into their currency). The links above will give you some ideas on what you can do or say in each of the love languages. Note the change in your relationship with that person. If it has improved, you have most likely guessed right, if not, try again.

Have you already read about the other Love Languages?

Here they are all listed:

  • The Five Love Languages (Summary)
  • Love Language Part 1 – Words Of Affirmation
  • Love Language Part 2 – Quality Time
  • Love Language Part 3 – Receiving Gifts
  • Love Language Part 4 – Acts Of Service
  • Love Language Part 5 – Physical Touch
  • Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages and their use in the Workplace

Reference

Please also refer to the book ‘The five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman

Filed Under: love/relationship/marriage, communication, self development/motivation Tagged With: gary chapman, love at work, love language, love languages, love languages at work

Love Languages: 10 Tips For Your Relationship

February 20, 2011 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

couple on beach dancing

Based on Dr. Gary Chapman’s work, there are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Here are some tips to help you become more satisfied with your relationship using these love languages as a guide:

Tip #1: Fill up your partner’s love tank

Ask your partner: ‘What could I do today that would make you feel loved and appreciated?’ Start making a list of the things that work best for them and you’ll soon have more ideas about their primary love language. Commit to doing what your partner wished for, given you want to, and agree to their suggestion.

Tip #2: Listen to your spouse’s criticism

Your partner’s criticism will give you clues about their primary love language. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.

Tip #3: Love Language Physical Touch

Remember that the touch that brings you the most pleasure might not also bring your partner the same pleasure. Ask each other for feedback: ‘Do you like it when I touch you here like that? Or what would you prefer?’

Tip #4: Love Language Quality Time

Each language has its different dialect and so do love languages. A dialect of quality time is quality activity. Ask each other to complete the following statement in writing: ‘I feel most loved by my partner when …’ and then when you are both finished, read it to each other.

Tip #5: Love Language Words of Affirmation

We all do need encouraging words, even if this is not our primary love language. If you hear your partner asking you many questions like ‘do you like the dinner?’ or ‘what do you think about this idea?’ you might also sometimes hear ‘you don’t give me any feedback!’ It’s obvious, you need to give your partner more verbal affirmation. Find something each day to affirm them with.

Tip #6: Love Language Receiving Gifts

Even if your spouse’s primary love language is not a gift, still give them something once in a while. It’s the thought that counts and in whatever way you give it can include another love language, for example, if you write a card with lots of affirmation then you’ve got already two covered.

Tip #7: Love Language Acts of Service

How balanced are the chores in your relationship? What are you doing for your partner without them having to ask for it? Do you realize what your partner is already doing for you? Simple: acknowledge what’s already there.

Tip #8: Do something at least once a week

Plan something special for your spouse at least once a week and notice how they react. Have a notebook where you record the things and how impactful they were, and how they were received. This will give you a gauge on which deposits into your partner’s emotional bank account have the biggest return.

Tip #9: Loving someone is giving them what THEY need

Often we automatically fall into the pitfall of doing what we would like to be done to us. Loving someone is becoming aware of their likes and dislikes and giving them what they want, as opposed to thinking about us.

Tip #10: If you don’t know – ask!

No matter how long you’ve been together, it’s never too late to get to know your partner better. Dare to ask what they like, appreciate, long for, need…, and if you’re prone to forget things, write them down so you can look things up!

Gary Chapman: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

Filed Under: communication, listicle, love/relationship/marriage Tagged With: enhancing your relationship, gifts, love language, physical touch, quality time, showing love, words of affirmation

Love Language Part 5 – Physical Touch

November 5, 2008 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

couple kissing
Photo by Natalia Sobolivska on Unsplash

Communicating love via physical touch

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, hugged and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.

Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and having sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse.

Is touch part of your love language?

The touch of love may take many forms. Since touch receptors are located throughout the body, lovingly touching your spouse almost anywhere can be an expression of love. That does not mean that all touches are created equal.

Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end, you need to understand your spouse’s dialect.

[Read more…] about Love Language Part 5 – Physical Touch

Filed Under: love/relationship/marriage, communication Tagged With: five love languages, gary chapman, love language, physical touch

Love Language Part 4 – Acts Of Service

September 12, 2008 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Photo by Tina Dawson on Unsplash

Actions like cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, vacuuming, taking out the garbage, mowing the grass, changing the cat’s litter tray, etc are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.

Within every language, there are many dialects. If you have a spouse with Acts of Service as her primary love language, find the specific things she would like to you help her with by asking her. If you are the person with that specific love language, make a list for your spouse of the things that would help you most.

Remember: love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.

Overcoming Stereotypes

Learning the love language of acts of service will require some of us to re-examine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives. Our actions are influenced by the model of our parents, our own personality, our perception of love, and our emotions, needs, and desires. Only one thing is certain about our behaviour: It will not be the same behaviour we exhibited when we were caught up being ‘in love’.

A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse.

If your spouse’s love language is ACTS OF SERVICE:

[Read more…] about Love Language Part 4 – Acts Of Service

Filed Under: love/relationship/marriage, communication Tagged With: act of service, love language, love languages, love/relationship/marriage

Love Language Part 3 – Receiving Gifts

August 27, 2008 By Nathalie Himmelrich 2 Comments

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

A gift is something that you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter if it costs money.

Gifts need not too expensive, nor must they be given weekly. But for some individuals, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love.

Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end, you need to understand your spouse’s dialect.

Purchased Gifts

Anything you can imagine, how much it costs is less important than the thought that goes with it. If a millionaire gives only one-dollar gifts regularly, the spouse may question whether that is an expression of love, but when family finances are limited, a one-dollar gift may speak a million dollars worth of love.

Gifts you find

For example a flower from the yard or side of the road, a shell from the beach, a special stick etc. Anything that you add meaning to.

The Gift of Self

There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand. This is the gift of self or the gift of presence. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the one whose primary love language is receiving gifts.

If your spouse’s love language is RECEIVING GIFTS:

[Read more…] about Love Language Part 3 – Receiving Gifts

Filed Under: love/relationship/marriage, communication, self development/motivation Tagged With: gary chapman, gift, gifts, love language, receiving

Love Language Part 2 – Quality Time

May 18, 2008 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Photo by Limor Zellermayer on Unsplash

Giving someone your undivided attention is spending ‘quality time’ with them. A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. Togetherness has to be focused attention. The important thing emotionally is that you are spending focused time with each other. The activity is a vehicle that creates a sense of togetherness.

Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end, you need to understand your spouse’s dialect.

Togetherness

Spending time together with focused attention. What happens on an emotional level is what matters. It communicates that you care about each other, that you enjoy being with each other, and that you like to do things together.

Quality conversation

Quality conversation is a sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feeling, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.

Some practical tips:

[Read more…] about Love Language Part 2 – Quality Time

Filed Under: love/relationship/marriage, communication Tagged With: communication, gary chapman, love language, quality time

  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Cart

Subscribe for updates
    Built with ConvertKit
    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

    Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Affiliate Disclosure

    Copyright © 2012 - 2022 Nathalie Himmelrich | All Rights Reserved

    We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However you may visit Cookie Settings to provide a controlled consent.
    Cookie settingsACCEPT
    Manage consent

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
    CookieDurationDescription
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
    viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
    Functional
    Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
    Performance
    Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
    Analytics
    Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
    Advertisement
    Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
    Others
    Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
    Save & Accept