The Complete List Of Do’s And Don’ts When Supporting The Bereaved

January 29, 2021 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

grief quote by nathalie himmelrich
Grief Quote by Nathalie Himmelrich

On rare occasions, I had ‘friends’ tell me versions of: “Wouldn’t it be time to move on?” or “You’ve got such a beautiful daughter, don’t you think it would be better for her to stop mentioning her twin sister or the topic of grief and loss?” Who hasn’t heard some version of the above? Have you?

I find it hard when people tell me to change the way I feel. Especially when it’s people that haven’t experienced what I have.

Every person surrounding us has their version of what healing after loss looks like. My version is called healthy grieving: I believe in integrating loss into my life, which allows for joy and sadness, reminiscing in the past and full present-day laughter, remembering with mindfulness and gratitude.

There are lots of words written about what not to say in response to grief but not enough about how to respond to grief. As part of the book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple I have made it a priority and my heartfelt intent to help supporters understand how to be with the bereaved. If you find it helpful, feel free to share it with your family, friends and supporters. Remember that this always needs to be applied with respect to the person’s culture and traditions. If something has really helped you, let me know in the comment section, as well as if something does not feel right for you.

The “5 Star Grief Support Guide”, which you’ll receive upon signing up for updates on the Grieving Parents Support Network summarises what I wrote here below:

Table of Contents

  • Things to say or do
    • ASKING QUESTIONS
      • Suggestions:
    • I’M SO SORRY
    • SHOW YOU CARE
    • CONTINUE TO INTERACT
    • ACCEPT ME
    • BE WITH ME
    • RESPECT MY SPACE AND MY BELIEFS
    • ACKNOWLEDGE THE DEAD PERSON
    • RESPECT THAT I WON’T GET OVER IT
    • TACT AND RESPECT
    • PHYSICAL CONTACT – HUGS
    • THE ART OF PRESENCE
  • The things not to say or do
    • TIME
    • DESTINY
    • PARENT’S FEELINGS
    • BELIEFS AND SPIRITUALITY
    • HOW TO GRIEVE
    • COMPARISONS
    • CLICHÉS
    • YOU SHOULD…
    • THOUGHTLESS PHRASES
    • INTERPRETATIONS
    • LET ME FIX YOU
    • SILVER LINING

Things to say or do

Things that made most difference: dropping food at our door, taking Harry out to play… just being ok with how we were.

Gavin Blue, President of Heartfelt Australia

First and foremost bereaved parents have shared with me that supporters should not feel obligated to say anything. What some call the “Art of Presence”, being there is all that is needed.

However, should you feel compelled to say something, here are the three simplest things to say:

  • I am sorry for your loss.
  • I am here for you.
  • I don’t know what to say, I’m at a loss for words.

Whatever you do or say, remember these things:

  • Acknowledge the bereaved parents, son, daughter, family member of the person who died
  • Listen but do not try to fix
  • Encourage and give them hope
  • Practice the Art of Presence.

The following points are an excerpt of my blog I wrote twenty months after Amya’s death. These are suggestions that help to acknowledge the grieving parents’ pain, journey, and responses. Use your own words or way of saying things.

ASKING QUESTIONS

Inquire how I’m doing, what I’m feeling. Don’t tell me “it must be hard” or “you must feel so awful.” Ask me, but don’t tell me. Ask again tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. Be gentle when asking, it needn’t be an interrogation.

Suggestions:

  • How are you coping?
  • What kind of help would be supportive for you? (Make a couple of suggestions)
  • May I bring some food over tonight?
  • Would you like me to just be there with you?
  • What did the doctor say?
  • Do you have anyone you can talk to?

I’M SO SORRY

This is the simplest and most appropriate sentence. It bridges any “I don’t know what to say” or “I’m lost for words” moment, any awkward silence that you might be tempted to fill with clichés. Don’t. Just say, “I’m sorry for your loss”.

SHOW YOU CARE

The little messages “I’m thinking of you” on the anniversary of my daughter’s or my mother’s death mean a lot.

  • I hear you
  • I’ve been thinking of you
  • You are not alone – I am here for you
  • I read your blog
  • My heart goes out to you.

Recently I received a touching message from someone I don’t even know who told me how much my blog touched her. She was a 38-year-old identical twin who had lost her twin sister when they were 10 days old. I would have never known whom my writing touches if she hadn’t told me.

CONTINUE TO INTERACT

I must have stunned many people into silence with my grief spell. It is okay to be contacting me again and again, even if I might not have the energy to hold long conversations. Social interactions are more tiring, yet I still crave to be with people. I am no longer the person I was pre “date with death” and as much as I sometimes want that person back, I have to deal with the New Me. Please try to do so, too.

ACCEPT ME

It’s hard enough to be sad and depressed. I am learning to accept being what I am in any moment. If you can accept that too, you won’t need to make me feel better, offer me advice, solutions, or try to tickle me with humour. Please accept me as I am.

BE WITH ME

There doesn’t need to be much talking. Knowing that you are not afraid of being in my presence, no matter what, counts. Offer your presence even if by just holding my hand.

RESPECT MY SPACE AND MY BELIEFS

You might believe in God or that, “It was meant to be this way.” Whatever it is, keep it to yourself. You cannot know where I stand in relation to your beliefs. Leave me with mine. Respect where I am with regard to what I believe or even where I might have lost any faith and trust.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE DEAD PERSON

I do understand that you might fear my reaction if you speak about my baby or my mother. Do trust that by acknowledging or talking about them you honour their memory. Say their names.

RESPECT THAT I WON’T GET OVER IT

I didn’t really understand the depth of grief before my personal experience. You do not need to understand it to accept and respect that holding my child in my arms as she passed isn’t something that I will get over. I am learning to live with it, whatever that means. Anything can and will trigger the grief and I don’t always know when or why…

TACT AND RESPECT

By all means tell me about what is going on your life, no matter how trivial or devastating it might be. I can handle it if you handle my response with tact and respect. What I do not need at this moment are trivializations of women who got pregnant and didn’t even want to have another child or mothers who abort their baby because of its gender.

PHYSICAL CONTACT – HUGS

There are times when I am very sensitive and do not want to be touched. Please consider asking before you want to give me a hug.

THE ART OF PRESENCE

Be there, not merely in the moment of crisis. Walk alongside me in the months and years to come. Allow me my process of healing. Sit with me in the moments of painful emotions and the darkness of depression. It is an illusion that in times of crisis people need space. Respect someone’s wish, if they tell you so. Otherwise, be present.

The “5 Star Grief Support Guide”, which you’ll receive upon signing up for updates on the Grieving Parents Support Network summarises the above.

The things not to say or do

Even though other authors on Still Standing Magazine have already covered this topic, this is what I wrote in the book regarding things not to say or do.

TIME

It does not matter whether you allow the grieving parent more or less time than they need or make suggestions on what should be difficult or not – comments like those mentioned below are unhelpful as they lead to self-judgment or guilt about the situation experienced.

  • Time heals all wounds.
  • It will get better with time.
  • The first year is the hardest.
  • Take your time.

DESTINY

Any suggestion on where or how the baby is now or what his or her destiny should or shouldn’t be are wild guesses or assumptions. For any mother or father there is no better place for their child than in their arms now and for eternity.

  • He is in a better place.
  • She was not meant to suffer any longer.
  • It was for the best.
  • Better it happened now than in x amount of time (days, weeks, months, years).

PARENT’S FEELINGS

Refrain from assuming you know how the grieving parent feels. You can’t know that. These comments cut like a knife. There is nothing that compares to parental grief.

  • I know how you feel.
  • It must be hard.
  • You must feel terrible!

BELIEFS AND SPIRITUALITY

Do not share your beliefs even if you think you follow the same religion or spiritual practices. The grieving parents might not be in a place to feel the same way about their religion or spirituality following the loss. Keep your religious beliefs, spiritual ideas, or ideologies to yourself.

  • God needed a special angel.
  • It was God’s plan.
  • It was meant to be this way.
  • It was his life’s plan.
  • She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go.

HOW TO GRIEVE

Suggestions on how to grieve and/or heal are ill-considered. They are based on the assumption that you know better on how to deal with the grief than the parents. Even if you have lost a child yourself, remember that every parental grief is based on their individual story, the meanings, and beliefs they have.

  • You just need to get back to your old self.
  • Chin up!
  • Distract yourself.
  • You need to… (followed by any suggestion).

COMPARISONS

Each trauma needs to be respected in its uniqueness. Every parent’s loss needs to be heard as its own story and with full attention. There is nothing that compares to the loss of a child.

  • I know how you feel, I lost my grandmother (or dad or pet).
  • I can imagine how hard it must be.

CLICHÉS

Say nothing or “I don’t know what to say” instead of any platitude.

  • Life goes on.
  • It will be all right.
  • There is a reason for everything.
  • It’s all for the best.

YOU SHOULD…

References to what they should be happy about, think about, or do instead are uncalled for. Whether it is fact or not is unimportant. The fact is the parents are mourning the loss of their child.

  • You have two other children.
  • At least you had your child for x number of years.
  • You should think about your husband.

THOUGHTLESS PHRASES

Be mindful of what may slip out of your mouth without thinking. You might be shaking your head in disbelief at these statements below. Trust me, we have all heard them. Better to say nothing at all.

  • How are things at home?
  • Was she in pain?
  • Have another baby!
  • You can have other children!
  • You’re kidding!
  • That’s not good!

INTERPRETATIONS

Over-interpreting, trying to make sense of the inexplicable or finding reasons why the baby or child has died are not helpful. Every parent experiences the why question looping in their mind. Don’t add your thoughts; leave them to

work on that.

  • Maybe it was because… (filling in your reasons why).

LET ME FIX YOU

Please do not try to fix, or make suggestions on what to do. The grieving parent only knows what it means to lose a child and what they want or do not want to do or be at this specific time in their grieving journey.

  • You need to keep yourself busy.
  • Distract yourself!
  • You need some time to yourself.
  • You need to look after her (said to the husband).

SILVER LINING

Leave any silver linings out of conversations with parents. If the grieving parent speaks them, it is their prerogative. It is not yours.

  • It’s all for the better.
  • At least . . . did not suffer.
  • You have 3 other beautiful children.
  • You’re lucky it was early on (in case of a miscarriage).
  • You are so strong.

¸.•´*¨`*•✿      ✿      ✿•*´¨*`•.¸     

What is your version of healthy grieving?
What does it look like for you?
Share it with me, us, the world because the world need your story of healing.

Let’s start a tidal wave of
#healthygrieving
when you are ready…

¸.•´*¨`*•✿      ✿      ✿•*´¨*`•.¸     

This article was first published February 4, 2015 in Still Standing Magazine.

Filed Under: child loss, counselling, grief/loss, grieving parents Tagged With: child loss, grief, grief and loss, grief support, grieving, infant loss, pregancy loss, supporting someone

Estelle Thompson on How Art and Yoga Saved My Life | Episode 32

March 20, 2023 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Estelle Thompson
Estelle Thompson

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast here. Thank you! 


Today on the podcast I am speaking with Estelle Thompson, who has been an inspiration for me for years. We’ve met on Instagram as part of a yearly event called May We All Heal which I started in 2015 and gave grieving mothers a creative outlet and an avenue to share with others. Estelle has a way of using art and yoga in her healing journey that drew me in and it was an honor for me to be speaking with her. Here is someone who can laugh while crying, who exemplifies living with the paradox of living a creative life while holding the gift of what death has brought her.  

Table of Contents

  • About this week’s guest 
  • Topics discussed in this episode
  • Resources mentioned in this episode 
  • Links

About this week’s guest 

Estelle Thomson, M.A. in Counselling Psychology is a leading yoga teacher and educator in the intersecting fields of expressive arts, embodied movement, and psychology. With over ten years of experience, her work explores the relationship between breath, body, emotions, imagination, and play. Estelle is a faculty member of Quantum University, internationally recognized for offering online courses and graduate degree programs in holistic, alternative, natural, and integrative medicine. Estelle leads numerous lectures, workshops, and retreats locally and internationally.

Estelle’s links: Website | Instagram

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Giving birth prematurely and the unexpected death of her son Tommy Tinker when he was just 2 years old 
  • Art and yoga saved her life
  • Writing for grief
  • Change of identity
  • How to use creativity

Resources mentioned in this episode 

  • Grieving Parents Support Network (FB page) and May We All Heal event and peer support group.
  • Tommy Tinker Forever Documentary
  • Estelle’s Retreats

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Filed Under: podcast, child loss, creative healing, grief support, grief/loss, grieving parents, parenting, self development/motivation, spirituality, trauma, writing Tagged With: art and yoga, creative healing, grief, grief and loss, grieving a child, grieving parents, yoga for healing, yoga saved my life

Lisa Bolton on It is Never Too Late to Mourn Your Losses | Episode 31

March 13, 2023 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Lisa Bolton
Lisa Bolton

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self, funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast here. Thank you! 


 Today on the podcast I am speaking with Lisa Bolton who experienced multiple losses in her life. She talks about dealing with loss after loss, the intense grieving bringing her to the brink of suicide, and the pivotal importance of her support system. She says: Without support, you can’t go through it. In her case, she had her church and a group of mothers who all had lost children through a drug overdose. In making her loss meaningful, Lisa beautifully describes how she allows her daughter to live through her. Another really important part of our conversation dealt with the topic of comparing losses, especially in the case of blended families dealing with losses on both sides, and the importance of relational support within the family. 

Table of Contents

  • About this week’s guest 
  • Topics discussed in this episode
  • Resources mentioned in this episode
  • Links

About this week’s guest 

Originally from New Jersey, Lisa now lives in Florida. After having been married for 25 years, she divorced and later remarried. She is a mother to 3 biological children, 2 stepchildren, and one foster child, but she considers them all hers. She has been an Early Childhood Administrator for almost 40 years. A few years ago, she also became a Stillbirth Doula, Support Group Facilitator, and Grief Counselor for adults, children, and adolescents. Her grief journey began 34 years ago when she lost her first-born son to a miscarriage. 30 years later she lost her rainbow baby, her beautiful 26-year-old daughter to an overdose of heroin laced with fentanyl. In between those losses, she also lost her wonderful 18-year-old stepdaughter to a rare autoimmune disease. Everything she does is in memory of her children: carrying on their legacies, making sure their names are said and their deaths are not in vain. They all mattered, and while making sure they live on she is also trying to heal her own heart while helping others to heal theirs. 

Check out Lisa’s links here: The Dandelion Project: Facebook – Email

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Multiple losses: Pregnancy loss of her son DJ, loss of her daughter in 2019 and stepdaughter in 2015
  • Dealing with the most intense days of grief, suicidal tendencies, and the vital importance of support
  • Comparing losses in a blended family situation
  • Expressive versus cognitive ways of grieving, and cultural differences in grieving
  • How to incorporate the memory of her children into her own life

Resources mentioned in this episode

  • Podcast episode – Parents reflecting on grief and loss 11 years after
  • TEARS Foundation Florida Chapter  
  • The FRoM Project Inc supports grieving parents who have lost a child to a substance use disorder, addiction, overdose, or fentanyl poisoning.
  • Picking Up The Pieces works to reduce or prevent the harms of alcohol and other drug use through education, intervention, and advocacy.

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Filed Under: podcast, child loss, grief support, grief/loss, grieving parents, love/relationship/marriage, trauma Tagged With: accidental drug overdose, child loss, creating a legacy, drug overdose, grief, grief support, grieving a child, grieving parents, making meaning

Katherine Lazar on a Mission to Help You Find Light in the Darkness after Loss | Episode 30

March 6, 2023 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self, funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast here. Thank you! 


Katherine Lazar

Today on the podcast I am speaking with Katherine Lazar who lost her son Brody in a late-term stillbirth just a year ago during her first pregnancy. She knew early on that she needed to speak with other moms who had experienced what she had. Katherine felt the importance of finding people that had the same grief vibe. The conversations with these women turned into her podcast At a Total Loss. From helping herself cope, the podcast was a way to reach others and helped them to cope with their losses. 

Table of Contents

  • About this week’s guest 
  • Topics discussed in this episode
  • Resources mentioned in this episode
  • Links

About this week’s guest 

Katherine Lazar currently lives in Atlanta, GA in the US and is married to the love of her life, Brody’s dad, Michael. When she was 37 weeks pregnant, her precious son died and was stillborn. The sorrow following his death almost killed her. Conversations with other loss moms saved her. She decided to record them and put them out for others to hear. If they helped her feel less alone, maybe they could help others. She’s so proud to have created this in Brody’s honor and to give other mothers a platform to talk about their babies. Finding my purpose has helped her in so many ways, and she is a big believer in helping others do the same with real talk and honesty about life after loss. 

They are currently expecting their second child and navigating the world of pregnancy after loss is a whole new battle. However, Katherine has spent a lot of time putting in the work with grief therapy & trauma recovery, surrounding herself with good people, having a great support system, and amazing doctors this time around. She feels ready for whatever comes her way. 

She misses her son every day and knows that she will see him again someday. Until then, she will continue to tell her story, be very open about her journey, and help other loss mothers find light in the dark.

Check out Katherine’s links here: Website | Instagram | YouTube

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Late-term stillbirth of her son Brody
  • Birth trauma
  • Finding relief in speaking with others who had experienced stillbirth
  • Helping herself cope lead to starting a podcast to help others
  • Differences in grieving: the instrumental and emotional way of grieving

Resources mentioned in this episode

  • Katherine’s Podcast At a Total Loss
  • May We All Heal – a peer support group for grieving parents
  • Podcast episode – Parents reflecting on grief and loss 11 years after

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Shelby Forsythia on Mother-loss as a Young Adult | Episode 29

February 27, 2023 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Shelby Forsythia

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast here. Thank you! 


Today on the podcast I am speaking with Shelby Forsythia who lost her mother due to breast cancer following years of treatment. Shelby was just twenty-one and this traumatic experience influenced her life as a young adult. Dealing with her loss, she delved into understanding and learning about grief. 
 Later, she experienced loss again after separating from her fiancée on the same day as she lost her job. Even though Shelby was practiced at dealing with grief, it did not make the pain of grief become any easier when, on top of everything else, she then also lost her best friend, but there was more awareness of how to support herself through it.  

About Shelby, this week’s guest 

Shelby Forsythia (she/her) is a grief guide, author, and podcast host. In 2020, she founded Life After Loss Academy, an online course and community that has helped dozens of grievers grow and find their way after death, divorce, diagnosis, and other major life transitions. Following her mother’s death in 2013, Shelby began calling herself a “student of grief” and now devotes her days to reading, writing, and speaking about loss. Through a combination of mindfulness tools and intuitive, open-ended questions, she guides her clients to welcome grief as a teacher and create meaningful lives that honor and include the heartbreaks they’ve faced. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, Bustle, and The Oprah Magazine.

Check out Shelby’s links here: Website | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

Topics discussed in this episode

  • The death of her mother from breast cancer, following four years of treatment
  • Family health challenges and Dad’s personality changes due to two brain aneurysms
  • Loss of faith  
  • Various ways of coping with grief: an eating disorder, delving into working, setting healthy boundaries around her grief, accepting help when offered, using her voice
  • Being guided by: Where does my grief want me to go? 
  • The loss of her fiancée, her job, and her best friend

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Filed Under: podcast, grief/loss, loss of parent, love/relationship/marriage, trauma

Clover Stroud on the Ambiguous Loss of Her Mother and the Early Loss of Her Sister | Episode 28

February 20, 2023 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Clover Stroud
Clover Stroud

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self, funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast here. Thank you! 

Today on the podcast I am speaking with Clover Stroud, a British journalist, and author, telling us about her beautifully rich and colorful life, which also included deep trauma within her family of origin.
 She shares about the ambiguous loss of her mother who suffered a horse-riding accident and because of it became brain-damaged when Clover was only sixteen years old. Her mother was alive but no longer capable to fulfil her role as a mother. She required full-time care following her accident and died 20 years later. 

During their teenage years, Clover and her two years older sister Nell formed a close bond, as they first cared for their mother in their home. This role reversal had a huge impact on Clover’s outlook on life. Not even 50, Nell was diagnosed with cancer and died within a couple of years of their mother’s death.

Clover believes that what saved her life was to be creating and really going after life. One of her quotes from the podcast that I will keep as a reminder of our conversation is that grief can be a creative act. 

Table of Contents

  • About this week’s guest 
  • Topics discussed in this episode
  • Resources mentioned in this episode
  • Links

About this week’s guest 

Clover Stroud is a writer and a journalist and has five children. She writes about the way life feels, mining her own experiences to draw universal truths about what it means to be human. She never shies away from the big topics and writes with startling honesty about life, death, sex, addiction, motherhood, nature, grief, ecstasy, and suffering.

She started her career as a journalist at 24, and since then has written regularly for all the major newspapers and publications, including The Sunday Times, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, Vogue, Red, Harpers, Elle, and she frequently appears on radio or podcasts as a distinctive and singular voice. She has published three memoirs, all Sunday Times bestsellers, and is working on her next book. 

Clover hosts a weekly author interview on her popular Instagram page @clover.stroud. 

Check out her website here for details on her memoirs. 

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Grieving the relationship with her mother after her accident and brain damage, the first loss, and caring for her at home with her sister as two teenagers
  • Twenty years later her mother died, and a new kind of grief
  • Two years later her sister’s cancer diagnosis led to her death

Resources mentioned in this episode

  •  Clover’s book: The Red of My Blood 

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page 

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.

Filed Under: podcast, family of origin, loss of parent, loss of sibling, trauma Tagged With: ambiguous loss, anticipatory grief, family of origin, grief, grief and loss, grief before death, grief support, loss as a teenager, loss of mother, role reversal and loss

Why Am I Still Talking About Her?

February 17, 2023 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Grief
Click here to watch
... my dead child...

Sometimes I fall into the trap of what I believe other people must be thinking when reading my posts and ask myself this Q.

Today I came across this song and something in me happened.
I remembered why.
And it touched me deeply.
I actually cried just now as I was watching the 'only few' pictures we have from A'Mya.And I realised:

Grief doesn't have to be 'fresh' to be felt
Remembering matters
because it is the only time we have with them
This is the time when I mother my daughter A'Mya
The only place she lives is in my heart
and in my memory.

By sharing her with you
I keep myself sane and authentic
And if this - by any chance - triggers you
It is not because of my sharing
or because of me 'still talking about her'
It is because something in you is touched
and this feels uncomfortable 

Because truly -
you can imagine losing a child
even if you say 'I can't imagine what you went through' 
you could - if you'd so choose to -
but you'd rather not
meet that pain and anguish 
that deep inside you, you know

Because let's face it:
Loss is inevitable
Grief is a given 
you are human and bound to experience this
On the other side of birth is death
On the other side of a hello is a goodbye 
Embrace it, lean into it

Grief is Love 

Filed Under: from personal experience, authenticity, child loss, emotions/feelings, grief/loss, grieving parents, inspiration/humour, writing Tagged With: child loss, grief honors love, grief is love, grief poesie, griefislove, grieving parents

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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