Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

stress

Meghan Jarvis on How a Therapist Deal With Grief and Trauma | Episode 41

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HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self, funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
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Meghan Jarvis

Another exciting conversation awaits you here today because Meghan and I have something central in common: our passion for grief and trauma. Speaking the same kind of language, our conversation flowed easily through her personal story of dealing with many losses and trauma, leading to her professional work with clients dealing with grief and trauma, especially in the workplace.    

About this week’s guest 

Meghan Riordan Jarvis, MA, LCSW, is an author, podcast host, TEDx Speaker, and psychotherapist specializing in trauma, grief, and loss. After experiencing PTSD following the deaths of both of her parents within two years of each other, Meghan began speaking on a larger scale about the importance of understanding grief and supporting grievers. Founder of Tacking Point Partners, Meghan, and her team consult regularly with companies addressing grief in the workplace. Meghan’s “Grief is My Side Hustle” platform includes her popular podcast of the same name, her blog, and her free grief writing workshop “Grief Mates.” Meghan’s memoir. “The End of The Hour,” will be published in December 2023.

Meghan’s links: Website | Instagram

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Meghan’s personal and professional relationship with grief and trauma
  • Childhood trauma: Death of a close family friend through drowning
  • Break-up, therapy… ultimately leading to Meghan becoming a therapist herself
  • The death of her Dad (2017) and Mum (2019) and the different reactions Meghan experienced
  • When and how do you know you need help? 
  • Grief in the workplace
  • Why people don’t talk about grief

Resources mentioned in this episode

  • Anderson Cooper Podcast
  • Trauma therapies: EMDR, Sensory Motor Psychotherapy, Internal Family System, Touch Therapy
  • Help Text

Thank you for listening!

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. Support the show

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Animal Phobias – What can be done?

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Spiders, rats, mice, and snakes are just some of the common animals people are afraid of. But what if the fear gets in the way of life?

Phobia versus fear

Phobia is a response to something that is not a threat. This is why phobias are sometimes called irrational fears. The response is so intense it may interfere with your ability to function or perform daily tasks.

Many fears had been reasonable or useful in the past or are even useful nowadays. For example, certain snakes or spiders can be poisonous and therefore dangerous, while other animals might carry illnesses. The fear of certain animals might be genetic which is what professionals call ‘preparedness’. Even a few months old toddlers react with enlarged pupils when shown pictures of spiders whereas pictures of flowers in the same color do not have the same effect.

How do phobias develop?

Often, traumatic past experiences play a role. Many people with phobias describe a specific experience that has elicited the phobia. In addition, phobias can be transmitted through stories, films, and the behaviour of parents.

How many people do have phobias?

More than 10% suffer from phobias, according to studies significantly more women than men. Among the animal phobias, the fear of spiders is the most frequent, occurring in about 5.6% of women and 1.2% of men.

How do phobias affect everyday life?

People with phobias do their best to avoid the animal (or situation) they are phobic about. This can be quite significant and influence people’s lives to the point of, for example, not being able to go swimming for fear of water snakes lurking in the water. These behaviours of avoidance actually increase the intensity of the phobia.

Do phobias disappear with time?

No, they don’t. Even if the animal is avoided, the phobia often remains for a lifetime and determines the person’s experience of living.

What can be done about phobias?

There are different kinds of treatments that people suggest: from exposition therapy to psychotherapy using neurolinguistic programming.

What are the chances of a phobia getting healed?

It is important to differentiate between a natural fear and a phobic response. We want to remain responsible and prepared for the potential danger a poisonous snake might offer but the aim is to resolve the unrealistic fear or phobia that impedes the experience of life.

If you’d like to treat your phobia make an appointment today.

Image Credit: Photo by Flash Dantz on Unsplash

Relationship Wisdom – Wedding Stress

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wedding

This past weekend I have been at a wedding in Vienna. I was reminded of my own wedding, only that we decided for a small wedding with 7 people and this wedding was a larger event with 110 invitees coming from as far as Bolivia. Whether it is a small or a large wedding, the preparations and the lead up to the ‘big day’ are a reality. The following article will look into this topic:

Wedding preparations are intense and stressful. They entail more details and preparation than a couple usually expects. How come? In this article I will highlight some reasons and remedies to alleviate some of the stress that comes with a big life transition.

What you see is NOT what you get

First of all, we have all seen them: Beautiful pictures of weddings, professionally shot, people smiling and posing in front of beautiful scenery and in even more splendid clothes. The truth is that these photos are just snapshots of moments which do not convey all the preparations and hard work that has gone into them, not to mention the money.

We often get fooled by what we see, believing that the smile and fun in these pictures is all that there is. The truth is that there is a lot of joy in most weddings but before it comes to the day itself, there is a lot of preparation that goes unnoticed for many guests and the photographer.

Expectation versus reality

The stress is created when reality is not living up to our expectations. During the time of preparation, the couple first has to make their expectations and ideas clear and communicate openly about what they want. The difference between what is important for one partner as opposed to the other, already opens up the possibility of distress. In addition, financial limitations will cut some of the dreams the bride and groom have for their wedding, which also causes disappointment.

Life transition and meaning

Wedding, like childbirth, moving out of the family home or death in the family are big life transition points which in themselves both consciously and unconsciously bring about a shift. Changing from calling your partner ‘boyfriend’ to ‘fiancé’ and then ‘husband’ will have an effect on you, whether you are aware of it or not. The internal meaning, identity, expectations and beliefs will change with a change of position.

The tradition and ritual of marriage

Getting married is a long-standing tradition with many different rituals, depending on family expectations, culture, religion and personal preferences. Signing a paper and legalizing your relationship has an impact, which you will, if at all, only realize in the time following the wedding.

The wedding day

Then there is the wedding day itself with its last minute preparations, whether you have invited only a few or many guests. It also means getting everything ready for a specific time, always with the wish of fulfillment of your expectations in the back of your mind.

Like any ‘big moment’ in your life you will most likely feel excited, nervous, stressed. The normal reaction of your body in those moments is to be pumping adrenaline through your system to make you more alert.

So, how to alleviate some of the stress?

First, get help during the time of preparation. Build a project team who is willing to get quotes for flowers or potential venues, choose a friend to buy the wedding dress with and, if finances allow, outsource as much as you can to people and businesses you trust.

Secondly be aware of the expectations you and your partner will have and that reality will most definitely look a little bit different. Allow for those potential differences in advance.

If you find it difficult to agree with your partner on what you want, think about engaging someone who can help.

For the day itself, make sure you have enough time. Any preparations that do not need to be last minute can and should be done before the actual day. For last minute preparations find someone you can trust.

As a coach and counsellor I know and would expect that the stress for you as a couple will be significantly heightened not just on the day but also in the time leading up to the wedding, sometimes this might mean 6 – 12 months. Make sure you start your married life on good terms – it is never too late to give yourself the gift of asking for help.

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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