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Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

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Nathalie with Jessica Zucker on Saying it Loudly: I Had a Miscarriage | Episode 24

December 19, 2022 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Jessica Zucker

Today on the podcast I’m speaking with Jessica Zucker who is widely known on social media due to the movement she started in response to her miscarriage. She openly talks about her 16-week miscarriage and the more recent trauma of her journey with breast cancer.

Similarly to Jessica’s intent with her #IHadaMiscarriage movement, this podcast is encouraging people to speak about the trauma they have endured and the grief they are dealing with.

Having chosen that path herself, Jessica says:

Without truth and candidness around these life experiences, then what? It’s almost like then the onus is on us to sort of feel ashamed or silenced or embarrassed or like a failure. Culture wouldn’t mind us feeling like that because then it would be easier if we just kind of curl up in a ball and keep it to ourselves, but I have clearly chosen not to do that.

Dr Jessica Zucker

About this week’s guest

Dr Jessica Zucker is a psychologist specializing in reproductive health and the author of I had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement. She’s the creator of the #IHadaMiscarriage campaign. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian, New York Magazine, and Vogue, among others. Jessica Zucker’s second book is in the works.

Jessica’s links:

  • Jessica Zucker’s Website
  • Instagram: @ihadamiscarriage

Topics discussed in this episode

  • 16 weeks miscarriage
  • Unmedicated dilation and curettage (D&C)
  • The long journey with breast cancer
  • Dealing with the physical trauma of multiple operations and people’s reactions

Resources mentioned in this episode

  • Saying it Loudly: I Had a Miscarriage (New York Times article)

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website.

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.

Support this Podcast

To support this podcast, please rate, review, subscribe to, or follow the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.

Remember to keep breathing, I promise, it will get easier.

Filed Under: podcast, child loss, grief support, grief/loss, grieving parents, health, parenting, trauma

Nathalie with Miten on Life’s Trauma and the Healing Through Music | Episode 18

November 7, 2022 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Miten

Today I have the pleasure to speak with Miten who I’ve known for almost 20 years through his and Deva’s music. Miten shares the traumas he’s experienced throughout his life and how he’s found the healing power of music.

Miten says:

If there is one thing, I would say that’s helped me, that is to sing. And as much as I can, I tell people, not just our community who are into singing anyway, but… church choirs. Find a choir, find a Gospel choir, you know – sing! Because when you are singing, your heart starts to lift, your burden lift, your spirit lifts. It’s not a joke, it’s real and it’s important and it’s a commitment.

Miten

The mantras hold a special place in my heart and my personal healing so I can highly recommend checking out their music on their website, Spotify or wherever you listen to music. 

About this week’s guest 

Miten was born in London and grew up in the 60s. He later went on to establish a successful career for himself in the 70s as a noted singer/songwriter, releasing several albums including one for Ariola Records under the guidance of legendary American producer Bones Howe. He toured extensively, opening for Fleetwood Mac, Randy Newman, Hall and Oats, Lou Reed, Ry Cooder, Fairport Convention, and The Kinks, among others. This period of his life was exciting but left him spiritually unfulfilled.

After reading a book of the discourses on Zen from Osho (No Water No Moon), Miten had an epiphany and began an inner search. He left everything he had known before, even selling his guitars, and traveled to India, embracing life as a member of the community that had gathered around Osho.

It was there he met his life partner, Deva Premal, and they are now renowned worldwide for their fusion of western music with Sanskrit mantras. Together they have presented their music in as many as 45 countries while accumulating accolades from such diverse admirers as Cher and HH the Dalai Lama, with album sales in excess of one million copies. 

Website: Deva Premal and Miten

Topics discussed in this episode

  • Childhood traumas
  • Leaving behind his family, letting go of his life, his identity, and his career as a musician, and joining Osho’s ashram
  • Healing through meditation, chanting, and being in presence of a Guru and finding music again
  • The physical trauma of a double heart by-pass surgery 

Resources mentioned in this episode

  • Film: Mantra – Sounds Into Silence 
  • Tara Mangalartha Mantra with India Arie

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Support this Podcast

To support this podcast, please rate, review, subscribe to, or follow the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you.

Remember to keep breathing, I promise, it will get easier. 

Filed Under: podcast, creative healing, emotions/feelings, from personal experience, grief/loss, health, nervous system, spirituality, trauma Tagged With: ashram, chanting, deva premal miten, healing power, healing through music, mantra, osho, physical trauma, sanskrit

Healthy Versus Unhealthy Coping Strategies for Grief

August 3, 2022 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

All of my clients want to know how to deal with their grief and the aim is often and understandably to stop the intense pain.

coping strategies for grief

Healthy grieving strategies

If you have been reading up on it, you have found lists with healthy grief coping strategies, such as, for example:

  • Sharing your feelings: Talking to friends about how you feel can help ease the burden of loss. Let friends know that you don’t expect advice or answers and simply wish to share your emotions or reminisce about the person you’ve lost.
  • Keeping a journal: Writing your feelings and thoughts in a journal not only helps you process grief but also keeps a record of your progression through the grieving process. You can look back on how your view of the loss has changed over time, which can help you see that your bereavement is an ongoing process.
  • Getting creative: Making art, crafting, and playing music are all ways to express your creativity and process overwhelming emotions.
  • Setting aside time to grieve: Scheduling grief might seem counterintuitive, but putting specific time on your daily calendar to grieve can help you fully process intense emotions. Give yourself permission to cry, scream or otherwise display strong feelings during that time, and find a place where you feel free to let yourself grieve without fear of judgment.
  • Avoid making big changes in your life: A major loss causes a lot of upheaval in your life, so it’s best to keep everything else as normal as possible. Hold off on changing jobs, moving, or making other big life decisions until you have worked through the grief process for a while.
  • Exercising regularly: Add physical activity to your schedule to help you release energy as a form of grief expression. You can use a quiet walk or run to calm your body and emotions or punch and kick at a punching bag to work out anger and frustration about your loss.
  • Participating in social activities: Being home alone can leave you immersed in your grief, so make a point to go out to lunch with friends or join a social group.
  • Taking refuge in your religious practices: If you are a regular churchgoer, attending services may help you deal with grief. Private prayer, meditation, and listening to religious music are other ways to cope with the spiritual aspects of grieving.
  • Reminiscing in a healthy way: Your good memories of the person who has passed on can be a comfort during grief. Spend some time looking through old pictures, reading messages from the person who died, or watching videos taken during your loved one’s life. You might also find it helpful to talk aloud or write messages to the person who has died, expressing your feelings directly to that person and maintaining a connection that transcends death.
  • Memorialize your loved one: If the person you are grieving had an affinity for a specific cause or charity, consider volunteering or donating in that person’s memory.
  • Spending time with pets: Animal companions provide unconditional love and comfort that could help you cope with grief. If you don’t have pets of your own, consider volunteering at a local animal shelter to walk dogs or socialize kittens so they are ready for adoption.
  • Joining a grief support group: Being around others who have also recently experienced a major loss can help you share the burden of grief. If your loved one died of a specific illness, such as cancer or heart disease, there might be a local support group for people who have lost someone to that specific disease.

(Source: Three Oaks Hospice)

But at the beginning, in the raw grief period, even little things might be too much to handle.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms for grief

This is also when people often describe using other coping strategies.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms may include: 

  • Denial: refusing to acknowledge your loss or grief.
  • Risk-taking behaviour: this could include acting without thought of consequences and acting out through unhealthy relationships.
  • Substance abuse: turning to alcohol or drugs to numb your feelings.
  • Over or under eating: using food as a tool to numb or distract.
  • Obsessing/Controlling: since you could not control your loss, you may seek to control what you can. 

There can be many factors, including low self-esteem, or a history of untreated anxiety and depression that can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There may be a sense of emptiness or lack of safety that makes their loss feel intolerable and this inability to tolerate the emotions leads to those unhealthy behaviours. 

Intense emotions – how to deal with them?

Tolerating intense emotions requires practice, patience, and support. This is where an experienced therapist can support you in working through those intense emotions. By guiding you to understand the grieving process and dealing with obstacles and grief triggers you can experience a resilient way and the belief that you can deal with your grief.

Listen to Kellie Sipos on the How to Deal With Grief and Trauma Podcast on how she dealt with her drug abuse following the loss of her daughter.

Photo by Salman Hossain Saif on Unsplash

Filed Under: grief/loss, child loss, coaching, communication, counselling, depression, emotions/feelings, grief support, grieving parents, health, mental health, trauma Tagged With: health, health grieving mechanism, healthy grieving strategies, unhealthy, unhealthy grieving mechanism, unhealthy grieving strategies

Nathalie with Kellie Sipos on Drug Abuse and Multiple Losses | Episode 6

August 1, 2022 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Today I speak with Kellie Sipos who I met as part of being a guest on her podcast, My Child Left Home for Heaven. Kellie has experienced multiple losses within her own family which started with her father’s suicide, followed by the sudden unexpected loss of her sister. In 2018 she lost her daughter Emilie through an accidental drug overdose after which Kellie candidly shares how she herself abused drugs to manage her own grief. Just a few months ago, her mother, who she cared for the last few months of her life, died too. 

‘Emilie’s grief was so on the top of my heart every single day until I lost my mom. Now it’s like the grief of my mom is shadowing over top of the grief of Emilie, and I feel really guilty. I feel like I’m not grieving her appropriately. And then I realized: No, I’m just healing. I’m starting to move on from some of that. And yes, the grief with my mom is newer but that in time will be the same way. I think maybe having to go through it again somehow helped me get over that big hurdle of Emilie.’

Kellie Sipos

About this week’s guest 

Kellie Sipos is the mother of 4 daughters who tragically lost her oldest, Emilie to an accidental drug overdose on July 22, 2018.  Since this time Kellie has tried to stay focused on making a difference in this world. Working with children and young adults with Special Needs as a therapeutic riding instructor and an equine specialist. Mental health has always been her focus but since the loss of her child she is on a new mission, starting her podcast My Child Left Home for Heaven. Being an avid podcast listener she quickly found there were not a lot of podcasts on child loss from the Moms perspective. Kellie is also the state administrator for Drug Overdose Awareness and Moms Against Drugs as well as sharing her daughter’s story in the public school system to help bring awareness to the dangers of drug use. Keeping busy, speaking out and transparency in her grief have helped her to keep the joy in her life after child loss.

Topics discussed in this episode

  • The recent loss of her mother
  • Emilie, her drug addiction leading to her accidental drug overdose which killed her
  • Kellie’s granddaughter being taken away by her father after Emilie’s death
  • Drug addiction and abuse within the family and in the process of dealing with grief
  • PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) following the traumatic loss of Emilie
  • Suicide of her father, the sudden death of her sister
  • Post loss guilt and regrets
  • Compassion fatigue for therapists

Resources mentioned in this episode

  • Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple by Nathalie Himmelrich
  • Shattered by Gary Roe 

Links

–> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

–> Subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

–> Join the podcast’s Instagram page.

Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA. If you’d like to be updated on future episodes, please subscribe to my newsletter on Nathalie Himmelrich.com

If you need grief support, please contact me for a FREE 30 min discovery session.

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. 

Filed Under: podcast, child loss, emotions/feelings, grief support, grief/loss, grieving parents, health, loss of parent, parenting, trauma Tagged With: child loss, drug abuse, drug overdose, grief, grief and loss, grief support, grieving a child, grieving a parent, grieving parents, relationship, suicide

The Right Kind of Grief and Trauma Support

June 20, 2022 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

What is the right kind of grief support and how can I find it? This is the question that each and every one of you reading this will have asked yourself.

hands and coffee on table

Where to find support?

I did too when I was freshly bereaved. Luckily I had a wonderful General Practitioner who referred me to a therapist who I, being a therapist, didn’t have to coach on how to be with me, talk to me, and treat me.

Looking back, she was very supportive and, as I later found out, was also pregnant at the time. I don’t know where I would have been without seeing her and being able to have a sounding board checking on my mental health. She made me feel normal in a situation where I felt as if I was going crazy. She helped me gain perspective and start my journey of dealing with grief before my subsequent and traumatic loss of my mother through suicide.

Am I doing grief ‘right’?

My request for my therapist was to help me gain an understanding of grief and loss. I need to know if I was doing it ‘right’. Even though I understood it from a therapist’s point of view and worked with clients facing grief, I was well aware that going through the experience myself was a completely different pair of shoes.

As a couple, we also went to a grief support group led by the hospital at which I had given birth. This was very helpful for both of us. We got to meet other mothers and fathers, who had also lost a child. We could benefit from listening to their situations and their way of dealing with them.

So how can you find suitable support for yourself?

First of all, you need to decide and find out what it is that you need. The following questions can help you:

  1. Do I need or prefer one on one support or group support or anything else that might support me?
  2. If therapy, do I prefer face-to-face, or am I okay with online therapy?
  3. If therapy, would I be better at seeing a male or a female therapist?
  4. If group support, do I prefer face-to-face or an online group?
  5. If group support, do I want to participate or prefer to be in the background?
  6. If neither therapy nor group supports me, what else supports me? Reading, writing, gardening…?
  7. What would you need to be able to incorporate the support that would be best?

Grief and trauma-informed therapy

If you are looking for a therapist and have experienced loss and or trauma, make absolutely sure that your therapist is grief and trauma-informed. What does that mean? Find out whether they have specific training in grief and trauma. You can either check their website on the about us page or ask them when you talk to them. There are multiple different forms of training for trauma some of the ones that I would recommend are Somatic Experience (SE) developed by Peter Levine and the Neuro Affective Relational Model (NARM) developed by Lawrence Heller. you can find practitioners around the world on their practitioners’ websites.

Finding the right therapist

Like any relationship, the therapist-client relationship needs to feel suitable to you personally. You might like to ask a friend for some recommendations. You could also ask for a referral from your doctor, midwife, nurse, or other healthcare providers.

In both of those situations, you still need to try them out to find out whether the two of you are a good fit.

Find out what the therapist offers in a free introductory session or give them a call and ask for 10 minutes of their time to get to know them. (Book a FREE 30 min introductory session with me here.)

Then make an appointment. When you are there sense how this therapist fits you:

  • Does the therapist’s room make me feel at ease?
  • Do I get a feeling of being supported when I speak to them?
  • Do they listen to me, and do I feel validated and understood?
  • Do I feel at ease being there?
  • Do I feel like making another appointment?
  • Does the therapist ask me about my wishes, aspirations, reasons for therapy, and what I would like to achieve through being here?

These questions should be giving her enough information on whether you want to continue therapy with a specific person or try another one.

Grief group support

There are many different grief support groups out there and through the years of COVID people have become used to meeting online if in-person isn’t possible. On the support page, you can find different suggested groups or you can simply search them yourself based on the specific topic that you need support with, for example, pregnancy loss, child loss, loss through suicide, homicide loss, loss of a grandparent, loss of partner loss of a mother, loss of a father, etc.

Finding the right group

In the same way, as therapists need to fit your needs so does a group. If you like to participate in a group, it is good to choose a group that meets regularly either in person or online. If you prefer to stay in the background, there are grief groups, for example on Facebook, where you can read and comment if you like to.

Make sure that the general theme of the group is a fit for you. I personally have noticed that there are some groups who did not fit with me early on because they were too focused on religion. I needed a group that was filled with hope and showed me the potential for healing and integration.

Overwhelm versus support

Remember: When you are in the early stages of grief, you need support. You might be able to find support among your friends or family members but chances are, they too are to some degree affected and overwhelmed and cannot give you the full support you need. Divide your support needs among different people and providers and don’t overload just any one friend. Talk to a therapist, take part in a support group, message a friend. You might find this article on ‘Circles of Support’ interesting to read.

What you need to be mindful of, is your own feeling of overwhelm: Clients have described to me that certain groups are ‘just too much’ for them, or ‘all the stories of other … losing … triggers me’. Again: You need support, so sense inside yourself to find out what truly supports you. You are also not there to support others – that might come later on. To become a skilled bereaved supporter, you might like to read this book.

Filed Under: grief support, child loss, coaching, counselling, emotions/feelings, from personal experience, grief/loss, grieving parents, health, trauma Tagged With: child loss, finding support, finding the right therapist, grief, the right group, the right therapist, trauma, trauma support, which therapist

The Pandemic of Grief and Loss

February 14, 2022 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

You and I are not as different as it might seem…

I will never forget my father’s first words on January 19th, 2012 as I finally reached him: ‘You have got to be strong now.’

I knew what he was going to say next and I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want it to become the reality we had been dreading: My mother was dead.

It was only 4,5 months after my daughters were born and the younger twin had died 3 days after birth.

By now, you might be wondering why I started this post with the statement above. Hear me out…

Have you been touched by loss?

In the past 2 years as we all dealt with the worldwide effects of a pandemic, a situation no one would have or could have imagined, we have all been touched by loss in one way or another.

From letting go of personal freedom to move to no longer being able to meet and be close with people, from losing loved ones, through separation of space, different views, ideas, or all the way to loved ones who died from Covid.

Loss upon loss

The losses that we all had to deal with or face, in one way or another, have made grief an experience closer than we might even fully realize.

  • loss of people through death
  • loss of personal freedom
  • loss of health
  • loss of income, job, career
  • loss of closeness and intimacy
  • loss of friendships
  • loss of freedom of choice
  • loss of ease with which we decided to go about our lives
  • loss of relationships
  • loss of humanity
  • loss of unity
  • loss of individuality
  • loss of trust in self, in others, in society, in …
  • loss of potential
  • loss of safety
  • loss of belonging
  • loss of connection through isolation
  • loss of clarity
  • loss of individual rights

… just to name a few.

Changes and letting go

The increase of fear and worry goes side by side with the changes we all had to go through. Changes inevitably bring emotions: some changes bring relief, others fear, uncertainty, and many if not all mean letting go of what we are or have been used to.

Letting go involves grieving what no longer is. Maybe the grief is subtle, and going under the radar of your awareness. Sometimes it shows up through physical, emotional, or cognitive symptoms such as, for example, a lack of motivation.

Are there any other kinds of losses you have experienced? I’d love to add them to the list. Share them in the comments below.

Photo Credit: Photo by Amin Moshrefi on Unsplash

Filed Under: emotions/feelings, from personal experience, grief support, grief/loss, health, mental health, separation/divorce, trauma Tagged With: covid loss, loss from covid, pandemic, pandemie

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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