Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

depression

From Depression to Suicide

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Today we all heard the news of Robin Williams’ death through suicide. How sad. I do not read the news but I start my day by browsing Facebook, especially now that I’m in the last stretch of publishing my forthcoming book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple. The news feed today was full of Robin Williams’ pictures, quotes, movie references… a display of people’s love and admiration for his craft and talent of having an impact on people’s lives.

Reading about his death I noticed that, unbeknownst to me, he had depression and committed suicide. I had multiple conversations with people who said things like: “He was such an inspiring character, it’s unbelievable that he was depressed” or “He was so successful, I can’t believe he committed suicide.” It’s the question of theodicy, a topic I cover in my book:

The question of theodicy

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” is the most common version of the theological question around why evil is possible in this world. Religious parents are faced with the question of why a good God permits the manifestation of evil, like the death of their child. Any variation of the post-loss “why” questions can become a way of amplifying loss. According to Dr L. Michael Hall, focusing on getting to acceptance as quickly as possible takes the semantic power out of the “why” question. If overused, the “why” question can become a way to amplify loss.

I just want to know why!

It is completely natural to want to make sense. Unfortunately, there is little to no chance of finding an answer that will quench the thirst for finding the answer that would explain the tragedy. In regards to suicide from depression I have personal experience through my mother’s death which apparently happened in a similar way as Robin Williams’ death.

  • People suffer depression, no matter their IQ, EQ, the success or the amount of fame, friends, status, toys, things they possess.
  • People commit suicide no matter how much they are loved, cherished, admired, known, in the public eye (or not).
  • People, suffering from depression who commit suicide have people who love them and who have told them so every day.
  • Depression is like a bottom-less cup where any love poured in evaporates, not through their ill will but because of their depression.
  • In the moment of self-chosen death, many suicide victims have tunnel vision and do not think of the people they leave behind.

I had some in-depth conversations with my mum following her first few suicide attempts. At the time I was 19 weeks pregnant and was furious that she would have me go through grief while being pregnant with the twin girls. “I just wanted to end this pain, it had nothing to do with you or anyone else” – my mother’s words when we were talking about her previous attempts. “I know grief would be hard at the beginning but it will get easier with time,” she added… I shook my head in disbelief. She must be out of her mind.

In retrospect she was ‘out-of-her-mind’ and she was able to see the bigger picture. She was right: It will get easier with time.

Depression – Is My Child Depressed?

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sad child

This might come as a surprise to some of you but children can experience depression as well as adolescents and adults. For some children it is not ‘just a phase they are going through’ and these parents need to know what to look for.

History

It is interesting to note that there wasn’t even an official diagnosis for childhood depression until 1980, even though there was significant research into depression in children in the 1950s. A young pediatrician called Leon Cytryn was researching the frequency of sadness and withdrawal he observed in boys admitted to hospital for surgery. He discovered that almost half of them had symptoms, which would have been associated with adult depression.

Sadness versus depression

To clarify here it is important to note that sadness can be a healthy and normal response when the child is upset, for example when their grandfather has just died or their pet has run away. If this sadness however is observed as a continuous state in the child’s day-to-day experience then we need to look at the potential for childhood depression.

Seeing the signs

The following symptoms can be linked to depression:

  • continuous feeling of sadness
  • not experiencing pleasure in activities they liked previously
  • complaining often about stomach aches, headaches or fatigue
  • significant changes in weight or appetite
  • repeated thoughts or attempts at running away from home
  • extreme tearfulness, irritability, low tolerance for frustration
  • sadness and hopelessness (‘I’ll never feel happy’), low self-esteem (‘no one likes me’)
  • difficulties sleeping, waking in the middle of the night, not being able to fall asleep or sleeping during the day
  • decreased social contacts with friends
  • drop in school performance, behavioral problems at school, refusal or reluctance to go to school
  • excessive worrying that something bad might happen, worries about family members getting hurt
  • less energy, looking tired, everything become an effort
  • hostility or aggression which is unprovoked
  • suicidal thoughts, fantasies of death or dying which may be observed in drawings or other forms of self-expression

Is it or not?

In order to decide whether the symptoms are truly pointing in the direction of depression ask yourself: ‘To what extent is your child’s feelings of sadness and the behavior interfering with their everyday life and normal development?’ If the answer is significant, you might need to get it checked out with your general practitioner.

Remember that you know your own child best and will be aware of changes in their behaviour and emotion. You might also want to include other sources that know your child like their teacher or other members of your extended family. Trust your own instinct and if you feel something is wrong, get it checked out.

Depression – Questions And Answers

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Is something wrong with me?

There is a lot of stigmas attached to depression and people suffering it themselves often think that there must be something wrong with them to be feeling that way and that they should be able to turn it around. Depression is not a character weakness, but it is an illness. We wouldn’t tell a heart attack patient to ‘just get on with things’ but to visit a doctor to treat the heart attack. The same applies to people with depression. Depression needs medical attention and can, in most cases, not just be dealt with by the client.

Is it true that in many instances depressive illness will naturally remit?

Interestingly this is true. After a time period between six to twenty-four months it may subside. The fact though remains that suffering from this psychic pain is as intolerable as physical pain and it is therefore not encouraged to just wait until it goes away. In addition, the depressed person has nothing to show to validate their feelings, which in many cases makes it worse.

Isn’t taking drugs just avoiding reality and avoid facing how you feel?

Yes, but the drugs improve your ability to cope with the circumstances. Depression renders patient less able or unable to access their normal problem-solving abilities and they often feel a lack of self-confidence, which means that whatever the problem, it always seems harder or impossible to deal with.

The medication also restores the ability to feel emotions to the normal level, which means that the patients can still feel their sadness but also experience the other side of the emotional scale.

Will I get addicted to the medication?

No, antidepressants are not drugs that induce addiction or dependency. It’s not required to increase the dose to reach the same relief over time. There are usually no withdrawal effect when you stop taking them, however it is not recommended to just stop them because you feel better. You feel better because you’re taking them. Discuss this decision with your doctor.

How long does the medication have to be taken?

Most people will be on a treatment for six to nine months but the time can vary according to the individual and the circumstances.

When will I be able to stop them?

It’s not recommended to stop them if you’re just going through some stressful period in your life, like facing a divorce, moving house, anniversaries of death, significant loss or some other traumatic event. As mentioned above this needs to be discussed and planned with your doctor.

Depression – See The Signs In A Loved One

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If you have a family member dealing with dark moods or depression but you are not sure if it is serious enough to go and look for medical help, this article will clarify your observations and help you make the right decision.

It’s in the experience – not necessarily in the word

Depression is one of the words that have found its way out of the medical dictionary into people’s everyday language. Clinical depression is however an illness and has not much to do with feeling depressed about something which passes after a short period of time. This is an illness and has nothing to do with a character flaw or any personal faults or deficiencies.

If you want to clarify if your loved one is suffering from depression you will notice the following symptoms:

1. Loss of interest or pleasure in all activities

People who suffer from depression significantly lose interest in things that they previously enjoyed. This change might happen slowly or after a significant incident causing stress in their lives.

2. Changes in weight or appetite

This could be either significant weight gain or loss, depending on the person.

3. Changes in sleeping patterns

Loved ones may experience sleepless or restless nights, might be unable to sleep or wake up early in the morning, might sleep too long or too much, and in general, feel more depressed in the morning.

4. Fatigue or loss of energy

Not just because of the above-mentioned sleeping patterns but also due to the effects of the illness itself, these people feel a lack of energy and therefore also lack motivation.

5. Low self-confidence paired with irrational thinking

They often speak of worthlessness and hopelessness and have generally lost belief in themselves and their abilities. Their beliefs are not based on reality. In many cases, they experience inappropriate guilt or are preoccupied with physical disease.

6. Mental challenges

Depressed family members may have trouble concentrating, remembering things, or find themselves unable to make decisions.

7. Thoughts of suicide

Many individuals with depression have reoccurring thoughts of death, or suicide or may wish not to be here and feel that the people around them are better off without them. Some also attempt to take their own lives. It is important to talk to your loved ones about this and ask them directly. Avoiding the topic does not make it go away.

8. Physical changes

You might observe various physical changes from disinterest or less interest in physical appearance, walking with a bowed stance, or slouching. They may lack expression when talking or it may seem that talking comes with great effort.

In addition to the above loss of sexual drive is common.

9. Feelings of sadness or irritability

Depressed individuals are experiencing sadness, ‘a dark cloud’ hanging over them, feel irritability, and often see only the negative in any given situation. This is connected to their irrational thinking plus the hormonal changes in the brain.

10. Restlessness or decreased activity

Some might feel restless or battle with a sense of boredom.

Remember that not all the symptoms are necessary, however, if you notice four or more of the ones mentioned for a time period longer than two weeks I suggest you contact professional help.