mental health

The Purpose of Grief

September 8, 2021 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Anniversaries, as you know, have a way of being remembered in the body way before they get consciously registered in the mind. It is as if our body remembers first.

And, most important of all, EVERY BODY remembers differently because every body IS different.

Is there a purpose in grieving 10 years later?

… I asked myself. I like to think there is. I don’t know what the purpose might be but I do trust the body is doing its best to integrate loss into life.

What are your thoughts? Why do you think we grieve, why grieving might be necessary?

Grief 10 years later

You might have read in my last newsletter, you will have read that last week was my twin daughter’s birthday and also my younger daughter’s 10th death anniversary.

The following is what I wrote this year on the anniversary:

It’s been 10 years and it still hurts. Most of the time, I’m not actively grieving. But then there are times when it overcomes me. This was today, the 10th anniversary of A’Mya’s death.

This week where birthday and death anniversary collide is usually the most intense in the whole year.

So, what happens after death, after grief no longer runs your life on a daily or regular basis?

Grief triggers will bring up memories

The following I wrote yesterday:

Today, as I watched the Grey’s Anatomy series, the tiny premmie in the NICU died. I watched the mother in the scene hold her baby for the first, last, and only time… “I’m not ready yet”, the uttered through tears streaming down her face, as he stopped breathing. That was me, 10 years ago.
And I remember with every fiber of my being the gut-wrenching pain as well as the honor to hold her as she drew her last breath.

Triggers will come up, no matter the time that has passed since the death. For me, it isn’t about avoiding triggers. It is about riding the waves and letting them wash up the shore until the sea has calmed down again.

And then there is life, continuing

The week of birth and death anniversaries has come to an end… and life goes on… and continues… turning and turning like the big Ferris wheel 🎡 currently in our village.

The hardest part of grief is learning to go on living without them.

Depression – Questions And Answers

February 2, 2011 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

sad woman — Photo by Munga Thigani on Unsplash

Is something wrong with me?

There is a lot of stigmas attached to depression and people suffering it themselves often think that there must be something wrong with them to be feeling that way and that they should be able to turn it around. Depression is not a character weakness, but it is an illness. We wouldn’t tell a heart attack patient to ‘just get on with things’ but to visit a doctor to treat the heart attack. The same applies to people with depression. Depression needs medical attention and can, in most cases, not just be dealt with by the client.

Is it true that in many instances depressive illness will naturally remit?

Interestingly this is true. After a time period between six to twenty-four months it may subside. The fact though remains that suffering from this psychic pain is as intolerable as physical pain and it is therefore not encouraged to just wait until it goes away. In addition, the depressed person has nothing to show to validate their feelings, which in many cases makes it worse.

Isn’t taking drugs just avoiding reality and avoid facing how you feel?

Yes, but the drugs improve your ability to cope with the circumstances. Depression renders patient less able or unable to access their normal problem-solving abilities and they often feel a lack of self-confidence, which means that whatever the problem, it always seems harder or impossible to deal with.

The medication also restores the ability to feel emotions to the normal level, which means that the patients can still feel their sadness but also experience the other side of the emotional scale.

Will I get addicted to the medication?

No, antidepressants are not drugs that induce addiction or dependency. It’s not required to increase the dose to reach the same relief over time. There are usually no withdrawal effect when you stop taking them, however it is not recommended to just stop them because you feel better. You feel better because you’re taking them. Discuss this decision with your doctor.

How long does the medication have to be taken?

Most people will be on a treatment for six to nine months but the time can vary according to the individual and the circumstances.

When will I be able to stop them?

It’s not recommended to stop them if you’re just going through some stressful period in your life, like facing a divorce, moving house, anniversaries of death, significant loss or some other traumatic event. As mentioned above this needs to be discussed and planned with your doctor.

Depression – See The Signs In A Loved One

January 30, 2011 By Nathalie Himmelrich 4 Comments

black man — Photo by Kevin Domfeh on Unsplash

If you have a family member dealing with dark moods or depression but you are not sure if it is serious enough to go and look for medical help, this article will clarify your observations and help you make the right decision.

It’s in the experience – not necessarily in the word

Depression is one of the words that have found its way out of the medical dictionary into people’s everyday language. Clinical depression is however an illness and has not much to do with feeling depressed about something which passes after a short period of time. This is an illness and has nothing to do with a character flaw or any personal faults or deficiencies.

If you want to clarify if your loved one is suffering from depression you will notice the following symptoms:

1. Loss of interest or pleasure in all activities

People who suffer from depression significantly lose interest in things that they previously enjoyed. This change might happen slowly or after a significant incident causing stress in their lives.

2. Changes in weight or appetite

This could be either significant weight gain or loss, depending on the person.

3. Changes in sleeping patterns

Loved ones may experience sleepless or restless nights, might be unable to sleep or wake up early in the morning, they might sleep too long or too much and in general feel more depressed in the morning.

4. Fatigue or loss of energy

Not just because of the above-mentioned sleeping patterns but also due to the effects of the illness itself, these people feel a lack of energy and therefore also lack of motivation.

5. Low self-confidence paired with irrational thinking

They often speak of worthlessness and hopelessness and have generally lost belief in themselves and their abilities. Their beliefs are not based on reality. In many cases they experience inappropriate guilt or are preoccupied with physical disease.

6. Mental challenges

Depressed family members may have trouble concentrating, remembering things or find themselves unable to make decisions.

7. Thoughts of suicide

Many individuals with depression have reoccurring thoughts of death, suicide, may wish not to be here, feel that the people around them are better off without them. Some also attempt to take their own lives. It is important to talk to your loved one about this and ask them directly. Avoiding the topic does not make it go away.

8. Physical changes

You might observe various physical changes from disinterest or less interest in physical appearance, walking with a bowed stance or slouching. They may lack expression when talking or it may seem that talking comes with great effort.

In addition to the above loss of sexual drive is common.

9. Feelings of sadness or irritability

Depressed individuals are experiencing sadness, ‘a dark cloud’ hanging over them, feel irritable and often see only the negative in any given situation. This is connected to their irrational thinking plus the hormonal changes in the brain.

10. Restlessness or decreased activity

Some might feel restless or battle with a sense of boredom.

Remember that not all the symptoms are necessary, however, if you notice four or more of the ones mentioned for a time period longer than two weeks I suggest you contact professional help.