Nice things are easy to say or do, once we know what they are… Having written a chapter about ‘What to do and say instead’ (of those things not to do or say) in the book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple’ I realised that no amount of words would ever be able to conclusively […]
The Nicest Thing To Say Or Do After Loss Read More »
It’s been a long time since I last saw you, in fact it seems like an eternity. Still, I remember you. And I miss you, old me.
You had an air of realistic positivity. New things you approached with curiosity and delight. Even though I would say you were cautious, you also loved the thrill of skydiving or meeting new people. Your open and friendly nature was easy to be around and you generally enjoyed life.
Over the past five and a half years since my daughter died in my arms and I became a bereaved mother I have come to terms with my New Normal (= the post loss self). Initially I struggled and fought, argued and – honestly – hated much of the personal changes that came with loss. Now I’m able see both sides of the medal, live with and accept the changes and even see their potential.
5 Things I Found Out Since Being A Bereaved Mother Read More »
In my book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple I wrote about ‘The Art of Presence’: “Be there, not merely in the moment of crisis. Walk alongside me in the months and years to come. Allow me my process of healing. Sit with me in the moments of painful emotions and the darkness of depression.”
Four Ways You Can Support Someone After Loss Read More »
Setting intentions for the New Year ’s intentions are all around at this time of the year. For many of us, bereaved parents, the holidays and New Year’s celebration with its ‘merry’ and ‘happy’ wishes can lead us to slide down and get lost in another grief rabbit-hole. We are left with the sentiment that nothing that the New Year brings can make the feelings of loss any better.
New Year New Grief Read More »
Exactly 5 years ago I conceived you and your sister. I remember it so clearly because I reread the journal entries from that time, describing every day in January. Given our journey to bring you into this world hadn’t happened through natural conception, we started assisted conception in the beginning of January and I decided to document our adventure. But this is a story to be told another time.
Learning To Live Without You Read More »
“You’ve got to be strong now…” I heard my Dad’s voice as if through fog, my sister and her daughter standing behind him as they all looked at me through the computer screen, connected via FaceTime. Before he would say anymore, I knew exactly what had happened.
You Have Got To Be Strong Now Read More »
When I held my daughter in my arms as she drew her last breath I knew it.When I learned that my mother had just died through suicide I knew it. I speak boldly when I say that society largely misunderstands grief. Even as a trained psychotherapist specialising in grief and relationship, I misunderstood grief. I thought
The Misunderstanding About Grief And Death Read More »
So many times bereaved parents hear sentences that proclaim myths about their grieving and healing. We all have heard those myths, so much so that we have come to believe many of them. So it’s no surprise we, as the bereaved, struggle with healing after loss because it’s so different than portrayed or spoken about in society.
The Healing Is In The Feeling Read More »
What is it like in the seventh year of grief? Is the grieving still there all the time? Is it gone, mostly gone, or never gone completely? My daughter A’Mya died on September 3rd, 2011, just 3 days old. In the first few months, I couldn’t see further than feeding her twin sister and getting
The Evolution Of Grief: Grieving In The Seventh Year Read More »
