relationship breakup

51 James Fish Gill Bringing Loving Awareness To Your Pain Part 1

September 18, 2023 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
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About this week’s episode

This amazing conversation with James Fish Gill from Australia comes to you in the form of a double episode. Fish, as he refers to himself, has so much wisdom to share, I already knew before we started recording that it would not fit into the usual 45 minutes of this podcast. I knew Fish from Instagram, where I became intrigued with his approach to conscious communication. Listening to some of the podcasts where he had been a guest, I’ve been so drawn to what he shared in his capacity as a coach and through his unique approach.

In episodes 51 and 52, he takes us through how he dealt with his own grief, using the approach of conscious communication with himself: first, he honestly acknowledged and validated all his thoughts, then felt into the actual emotional experience. From there, he entered the field of his yearning and the longing in his heart which he recognized and honored, even when it – in the case of his loss – could not be met. Bringing loving awareness to the whole experience, without wanting to change it, makes every component of the experience matter.

Fish says we are not usually bringing loving awareness, but we are trained to respond to pain by usually dismissing, minimizing, comparing, assigning fault, understanding, or fixing when what it actually needs is validating it.
Ok, I won’t say more but I can promise you with certainty that if you listened to one episode, you would want to listen to the other too.

About this week’s guest

James Gill (aka ‘Fish’) is a heart coach, yoga teacher, and transformational facilitator based in Australia and working internationally. He is committed to the global spread of conscious communication practices that enable all beings to experience love in every moment which appears to have gone missing.

Fish’s links:

Website: leadbyheart.com
Instagram: @james_fish_gill

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Guest House, poem by Jelaluddin Rumi

Thank you for listening!

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is produced and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.

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Relationship Wisdom – My Partner Just Left Me

October 2, 2013 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

goodbye — Photo by Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash

Clients in relationship counselling often make appointments when their relationship life gets turned upside down following a separation. If your partner has just left you, you will most probably experience a tumultuous time trying to find your way through feelings and experiences like shock, denial, sadness, despair, trying to understand and asking why, why, why.

Shock

In many cases, especially where the separation comes as a surprise, you will experience shock and disbelief. Many of my clients describe this as a stage of huge turmoil, filled with questions of ‘why?’ and going through possible scenarios trying to make sense. Often, the situation is compounded by having to tell friends and family who are also shocked.

Differences in men and women’s experiences

From my experience working with clients I have found that in many cases men will take a while to think things through in their own head, sometimes for a long time, before telling their woman that they no longer want to be in the relationship. 95% of men do not want to hurt their woman and therefore take time until they finally open up.

Women in comparison talk more openly about their relationship dis-satisfaction, either (do you mean either?) with their female friends, their therapists and their partners. It is therefore often more an experience of shock, when a man separates from their partner than the other way around.

Who am I?

Finding your place outside of the relationship is a huge process. Many couples have had years of togetherness and become used to being part of ‘me and my husband or wife’. In many cases individuals have un-learnt to refer to themselves in any other way than as part of a couple and family. Becoming ‘single again’, especially following an unexpected separation, can be a jolt to the experience of self, having to re-learn being ‘me’ as opposed to ‘us’.

Taking time

There are various strategies to travel through the separation process. Some people keep themselves busy, some live in intense sadness and hide from the outside world. Whatever you do or don’t – take time to journey through this stage in your life. Take time and find the support you need. It might be group of friends who support you, you might find sport to be your saving activity or you might consider talking to someone not involved, like a therapist.

Whatever you choose, remember that totally avoiding dealing with the emotional aftershock is only ever a temporary solution. Often we take unresolved emotional baggage into our next relationship, so you might want to ponder your way of dealing with it.

They Cheat – How a Relationship Can Survive an Affair

March 26, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

couples hands on table — Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Affairs can be exciting adventures that can have detrimental effects on the primary relationship, as some readers might well know from previous experience. There is however hope for reconciliation if both partners do their share of the healing and forgiving.

In my practice, I encounter many couples that have been suffering as an effect of an extra-marital affair or another form of ‘breaks in trust’. I am continuously astounded at the resilience couples to have shown over the years. This is only partly due to the support I offer them and mainly to their own work and preparedness on dealing with the issue in a way that supports both partners.

Healing emotions

In regards to the past affair, sufficient time for healing is needed during which various emotions might surface for both partners. For the ‘cheater’ these might include guilt, sadness, anger at self or even grief over the discontinued affair. For the ‘cheated’ these might include anger, rage, blame, disbelief, sadness or despair. All these emotions need to have their place, which might not necessarily have to be within the relationship itself. Consider confiding in a good friend, family member (not your children) or a therapist. Working with and through these emotions can take considerable time and it is important to know that you need to let your partner deal with theirs in their own time. Allowing and dealing with these emotions will assist the healing process.

[Read more…]

Grief – Supporting People Who Are Grieving

February 23, 2010 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

Grief is a process that most people have experienced in their lives. It is an interesting fact that even though many of us have gone through it before we seem to forget how it was for us and lack knowledge on how to be with people who are in it.
Nathalie Himmelrich

mother and child grieving — Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

Experiences with clients have shown that there are really only a few simple guidelines to follow to support people who are grieving. The grief cycle, which was put forward by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, contains the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Depending on where the person in grief is there might be slightly different approaches needed. The best way to find out which of the following suggestions would work, is to ask them.

Being there with them

As simple as it may sound, being there with the grieving person is the first and most important suggestions. It is true that sometimes time alone is needed or desired but more often than not, grieving people are left alone for too long, when in fact they need companionship. This might mean staying with them watching television or having a meal, asking them to join you to go out or just checking whether they wish you to come over and keep them company.