Nathalie Himmelrich

Inspiring Hope | Finding healthy ways of Grieving | Writer

self development/motivation

Self-Appreciation

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Self-Appreciation is the foundation of a healthy self-image and goes hand in hand with self-esteem and self-confidence. It starts with accepting the self and the way in which it is showing up in this life. This might not happen overnight but as a process of self-discovery. Developing self-appreciation will lead to a fuller, healthier and happier life.

Self-judgment and the judgment of others happen as the product of a consciousness developing to a certain level of self-awareness. Self-judgment diminishes self-appreciation when the individual internalizes the consequences that stem from these judgments. Therefore it is crucial to nurture self-esteem and practice self-appreciation to assure the health and well-being of the individual.

Use the following technique to allow Self-Appreciation into your life:

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Time for Coffee with a Friend?

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When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day, are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

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Motivation for Achievement

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What makes the difference between those people who are very inspired to achieve something and those who are not so determined? Those who do almost everything to excel and succeed by putting in a lot of effort and those who don’t work as hard and for whom it is not that important?

The difference lies in the motivation for achievement.

It can be defined as

  • Having a strong desire to accomplish something
  • Striving for a standard of excellence
  • Expending effort in order to excel
  • Having an appetite to accomplish a difficult result
  • Being driven to outperform others

According to research by David McClelland it has been found that people with a high motivation for achievement work harder, are more future oriented, more innovative, more persistent and they desire success much more than they fear failure. An interesting point is also that they attribute success to internal factors (like optimists do) as opposed to external factors (as do pessimists). In terms of choosing their challenge they have the ability to distinguish a suitable task as being challenging but not impossible. This means that they choose their task wisely and therefore experience the satisfaction of reaching their goals. People with a low motivation for achievement interestingly either choose tasks that are too challenging, in which they are more prone to fail, or tasks that are too easy, in which there is not enough stimulation.

Can you train Motivation for Achievement?

Experiments have shown that humans indeed can learn to become more achievement motivated. You can even learn and teach it to yourself.

As with any behavioral change it is a process over time. Firstly, practice choosing tasks or set goals that are at a suitable level: challenging and yet achievable. Secondly you put more focus on and celebrate your successes rather than being focused on and frustrated about your failures. Thirdly you need to practice being persistent.

Which one of the three steps mentioned here do you want to focus on and in which way is it achievable and still challenging for you?

Like the Japanese proverb says: ‘Fall down seven times, get up eight.’

Working Through Childhood Issues

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Have you ever realised that you have different attitudes in bringing up your children than your partner? I bet you have, otherwise you might be partly in denial or not be too involved in the education of them. The reason why the attitudes differ might be connected to the differences in your unresolved childhood issues.

Through my experience in therapy, it has become very obvious that many of our attempts to ‘do the best for our children’, be it by teaching our children, supporting them in finding their own way, showing them the right way to act, being mindful of our fellow human beings etc are a way to resolve some of the unresolved issues of our own childhood. This obviously does not just apply to child-rearing; we could in fact look at many other areas in life and find the same pattern operating.

Let’s have a look at an example: John is taking care of his 14-year-old step-son Mark while his wife Julie (the mother) is at work. Mark asks to go to a friend’s place to which John agrees under the circumstance of Mark returning at 5.30 pm. When Mark has not returned home by 6.30 pm John is worried and mentions to Julie that they should pick him up. Julie does not see the problem in Mark being out at this time and does not understand John’s worry. They start to argue the point to which in the end Julie storms out the door and goes to pick up Mark.

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Therapy – really?

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Today I would like to thank Lorna Martin who wrote the book called  ‘Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown‘ for showing the courage, honesty and openness to tell the story of her experience being in therapy.

Here a quote from her book:

‘Of all the lessons I learned during that bizarre journey with her [her therapist], I think the most valuable was about not suppressing or denying  emotions and not leaving important things unsaid or only partially said. I know now, thanks to her, that attempting to avoid uncomfortable or difficult feelings – whether of loss or love or rage or jealousy – leads to greater and long-lasting pain.’

Nowadays most of the books I read are about self-development, the expansion of consciousness and awareness, psychologically interesting material or research in human development. I thoroughly enjoyed this novel by Lorna and can highly recommend it to anyone who thinks that therapy is for the weak and needy and selfish…

Spiritual Awakening Through Illness

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flu and other illnesses
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Everyone has had the experience of being sick in their life. Did you get the spiritual awakening and the learnings that were presented to you?

Many of you who are on the path of becoming aware know about the metaphysical causes of illnesses. There are plenty of great books on that topic, among them my favourite from Louise Hay and Lise Bourbeau, which can be an excellent starting point in understanding your dis-ease.

Let’s look at it on a practical level: Take the example of the reoccurring bouts of flu. What are the benefits and potentials for spiritual awakenings in having the flu?

  1. Prioritizing: When your body is weakened by fever and headache you only do what is really important or urgent, like cancelling appointments, calling work to let them know you are not well. You are not wasting time with or worrying about unimportant, trivial matters.
  2. Focus on Health: You become more health conscious, you are mindful of what you eat, drink and what outside influences you expose yourself to.
  3. Speaking the Truth: You might be telling people to stop talking when you’re physically, mentally or emotionally not able to take in more. How often does it happen that you are keeping your mouth shut, when you are well, because you want to be ‘nice’? When you are sick, you are being more honest with yourself and others.
  4. Looking after Self: When you are feeling low, you have to take your own needs seriously. Looking after your body becomes a matter of self-preservation.
  5. Less Ego Fixation: If you are seriously weakened by your illness you will no longer be bothered making a point. It becomes less important to ‘be right’ and more important to ‘be well’.
  6. Sticking with the Essential: When you have throat pain, for example, you are only saying what is really necessary, leaving out all the fluff. Similarly to the previous point you are less attached to being right or being heard and trust that things will sort themselves out.
  7. Allowing Help: This is a great chance for people who find it not so easy to accept help under normal circumstances. When you are ill and cannot do certain tasks, you have to learn to accept and welcome help. For the person helping you it is also much nicer to help you as they won’t hear: ‘Oh no, that’s not necessary, I can do it myself!’

So do you have to get sick to learn those lessons or can you do it while you are well?

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    Nathalie Himmelrich

    I accompany people therapeutically as a holistic counsellor and coach.

    I walk alongside people dealing with the challenges presented by life and death.

    I’m also a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

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